Feeling it
‘Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.’
~ from Sweet Darkness by David Whyte, 1992
I’ve been thinking about how to tackle the marketing for my new business and working out how to describe my photography style, my career path to date and my intentions for the future. While doing all this thinking I have been uncovering new thoughts about myself: who I am, where I’m going, what I want. Looking at the parts of me I don’t like and the parts I do. I don’t know why I am so surprised that I’m still shedding layers of the old to make way for the new – how could it be any other way? Days like this one come along occasionally, and I find myself dipping into old diaries and revisiting the past; I blog surf for a few hours and find posts that resonate so deeply I reel back in my chair, either with recognition of what I once had or the heart-thump in the chest of what it is I want to have once more. Tears spring, first with sadness, then salty self-pity – it can’t be helped. To let go of the past fully it seems you need to submerge yourself in it as many times as it takes to truly feel it, and then let go. There are things in my life I have been letting go off, people I have said goodbye to, either in person or quietly in my heart. One of these people is me, the woman who clung on to her hopes even when they no longer served her, who kept herself so small she could not be seen, who thought second best was better that nothing. It is on days like today that I realise that I can let go of the things that do not bring me alive, that are too small for me… the new me.
…”who kept herself so small she could not be seen”…these words reeled me back in my own chair, Priestess of Words. Exactly what I needed to hear on a day set aside to reclaim myself. A day set aside to let go of she-who-is-no-more and embrace she-who-is-emerging. Wet-winged butterfly, welcome to the world.
you have come so far and saying good-bye is never easy but sometimes oh so necessary, letting go of the things that do not bring you alive, good for you sweetie :) wishing you tons of fabulousness .. xox
The letting go is never easy, whether of things we still cherish but know we need to set aside for future good or of things that we have held fast to in order to retain the familiar in lieu of imagined failure as we grow. The “new you” is elbowing out the old you slowly but surely, and the transformation is exciting to witness.
“the woman who clung on to her hopes even when they no longer served her, who kept herself so small she could not be seen, who thought second best was better that nothing.” Welcome to the woman who knows she deserves to much more. What an emerging butterfly you are!
your words here, are words for everyone, they resonate for any number of ways that we keep ourselves small. thank you. xo
Oh you brilliant woman.–
“One of these people is me, the woman who clung on to her hopes even when they no longer served her, who kept herself so small she could not be seen, who thought second best was better that nothing. ”
This knocked me OVER. Do you know how big this is?? Wow! :)
We are all shedding parts, and changing all the time. Otherwise, why ne here? You are becoming deeper and stronger and brighter and more beautiful than you ever were! And someday…you will shine so bright in someones eyes, they will think you were the sun.
:)
Dear Susannah,
Luxie here…been a while since I’ve left you a comment..but I’ve been with you here for long now…
And I just have to say..that I share the same path…only..I just discovered the phrase..”shedding layers of the old me” from you….
So that’s what’s happening to me…I’m shedding layers of the old me….but some layers of me are hard to peel off…
I too am starting my own path….now that the kids are kinda’ grown in a way..I’m building a career..a business..and in between just stopping and questioning if I’m really doing what I should be doing…am I good at this…maybe I should just let go..no…I’ve got to make this work…on and on….this soliloquy plays inside of me…
It’s a comfort to know that others, more poignantly..you…share so much of their personal journey…It really is a hundredfold more exciting than reading a novel with a stated ending…
Your story and those of others similar is one big ongoing novel of strength entwined with mine…
such a pleasure…
take care..
Luxie’
I am here…quietly pulling for you, as always. Just beautiful.
Love,
D.
thank you for this, sweetheart – i think you probably know how close some of it is to my own heart these days. letting go of what doesn’t bring me alive and yet not losing too much of what turns me on and lights me up in the process.
i’m there with you my lovely friend. so admiring and also so encouraged.
xx
(hope your toe is feeling better.) and yes. be big and alive! you have really come so far on your journey. xo, mindy
You are stronger today than you were the day before … wonderful awakenings and awarenesses … peace & love to you dear Sus, xx, JP
i hear you.
you are in a good place. this pilgramage has tought you such wisdom and grace.
be gentle with your heart…and your lovely toe.
xx
Beautifully said, dear. Beautiful!
This resonates deeply with me right now. Your words are always so inpiring and soulful. You should write a book, mama!
xoxo
You have certainly gone through a personal journey and been transformed by that experience. I’m so glad to read that you are seeing your new self as a strong woman with such a bright future. You truly deserve the best, Susannah.
i needed these words today sus…i really did…
Bravo, Susannah. So wonderful watching your wings get stronger. xo
This is a wonderful quote, I have saved it for inspiration. I hope your toe gets better soon. My daughter is also hobbling, she came off her motor scooter a few weeks ago and broke her toe and grazed her knee. The knee is giving her more problems than the toe, as it got infected. Sometimes breaks heal more rapidly than soft tissue injuries, which is encouraging for you, I hope :)
Oh wowee-I am a bit envious of you working so hard love-bound to be fabulous successful results with your business.
You teach me….I hear your voice often to just keep shooting pics….I think of you on that special beach with the cup of tea.
That post you wrote way back still sits in my heart.
I am rambling.
I just want you to know I admire you.
Love you much
You’re so inspiring! I wish you all the best! :)
Why is it to get through the pain we have to submerge ourselves in it? Sometimes when we do this it is like quicksand and we cannot get out of it.