One month… and three-and-a-half years
It's been one month already, i can hardly believe it. I'm liking my flat more and more and starting to find routines that feel comfortable again. Trips into town and my general busy-ness are keeping me occupied, though i'm still feeling a bit shy about joining any classes. Yesterday was his birthday, a milestone birthday that i know he would have wanted to ignore, but i wasn't able to: i thought about it all day. By the evening something had shifted inside me; i still had one photo i kept in a frame, so i placed it on the coffee table and lit a beautiful orange candle beside it. All evening we sat together, him and i, in the candlelight. I thought about the good times we'd shared, the really searingly awful times and everything inbetween. At ten to midnight I took his photograph out of the frame and held it in my hands. I'd never said goodbye to him, not in all these years and months, not really, not in any way that was true. But last night i thanked him for all he's taught me in his life and death, and i said goodbye. And the lightness i felt in my heart was just like a small child letting go of a balloon on a windy day. As i blew the candle out, I set myself free.
What a touching post. You are so strong and you’re going to be okay. Better than okay.
Wonderful post.
Oh goodness…I don’t usually tear up when I read blog posts, but this one did that to me…I don’t know what to say except that what you did was beautiful….thinking of you.xo
the way in which you honor yourself
your loss
and the lessons you have learned in his life and his death that you share with us, are so inspiring.
the way in which you honor yourself
your loss
and the lessons you have learned in his life and his death that you share with us, are so inspiring.
that was sweet. times like that hurt, but i always tell my children when they miss my father (who passed away this past april) – when you cry over someone lost, that also means that you loved and that alone is something to celebrate. love is tough.
{{{{{hug}}}}}}
What a beautiful sentiment, a lovely way to celebrate his life and your time together. Oh, girly… you are really growing and brave in ways I am in awe of. xo
you are such an inspiration. i felt a lightness when i read this and i feel excitement when i think about the future for you. much love. xo
you did good honey, much love, xo
So, the other day in my Literary Theory class we were talking about a linguist who posits that without language we couldn’t think or feel. Then one of my classmates said “There is no way that theory is absolutely correct because I often think and feel things that cannot be put into words.” I would add that sometimes we think and feel such powerful things, the act of even trying to put them into words would diminish their power. This is one of those times: I’m thinking and feeling something very powerful about this post of yours, but can’t and don’t want to put it into words.
Namaste
Wow. Sarah is right. I can’t even put into words what you did for yourself today. You are creating a new beautiful life.
And I cannot believe that you’ve been in that flat for a month! Wow! Have you started teaching yet? If so, how is that going? Have you discovered any favourite little cafes or shops?
wow, suz, that’s unbelievable. and beautiful and aching too. what a huge milestone.
love to you and your brave self.
xo
B
brave and beautiful.
Another important step forward in your journey, beautifully captured in your own words.
so powerful….
It’s very hard, what you have gone through, but you have written about it so eloquently. Thank you for sharing.
that last part…about feeling like a small child letting go of a balloon…this image is so beautiful susannah.
thank you for sharing this experience here.
(thank you)
this just made me ache, and cheer for you. thank you so much for you, and what you share.
Susannah,
i am in awe and inspired by you.
thank you for speaking and sharing your truth.
i honor you.
in peace and freedom,
gem
Everyone else has said it already. The word awesome is bandied around a lot but this..this really was awesome.
This is beautiful. This is the writing that I have been missing where you pour your soul onto the page.
By the end of your post, my eyes were teary and I gave a small gasp. Just exquisite, Brave Woman, just exquisite.
xo
it’s not really my place to say this, but i’m so proud of you. hugs and warm love, Vx
just beautiful… thank you
heartbreakingly
breathtakingly
beautiful
I felt the power of that. The air just filled up with all of it. The peace, sadness, gratitude and the power of remembrance. That one life can leave such indelible marks on another’s soul is testament to what we are all really doing here. That a path that joins two can send one down another. Bless you and his memory.
Wow, what a powerful, strong post. You are just amazing.
*sniffle*
wiping the tear away
{smiling}
hugs…xo
Oh, Babe…I cheer for you. And I have a feeling he was smiling, happy you can finally do this.
(((you)))
:)
You are brave.
You are couragious.
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
And, as you just wrote,
You are free…
New beginnings. Old memories.
Both of them treasured in your heart xx
Very beautiful – best wishes to you :)
Oh dear heart…
I have been so absent lately, and here I come over today and see this heart opening post. I remember so clearly discovering your blog so long ago now… the path your have shared with us has been so courageous and so True. I bless you and this place you are at, and I thank you again and again for honor us, honoring me with this moment in your life.
I’ve missed coming here… :)
love to you,
e