Naughty Words Wednesday

fuck fuck fuck a million times fuck.
when i really want to be shocking i’ll throw around the c word… CUNT (gasp!)

oh and usually bad drivers get called an amalgamation of things like “ass fuck” “dick wad” etc

the scope for creativity is fabulous, isnt it
Sas – wankstain is the winner, i think ;)

i use so many! i mean, there’s fuck, fucknut, douche, douchenozzle, douchemonger, cockandballs, cockfarmer, cock-knocker, douchenut and . . . jerkstove.
i use cockandballs quite frequently, but fuck is the old standby.

Furiousball – i love how SPECIFIC that is
Carrie – douchenozzle – love it!

LOL! Becky, youre killing me :)

oops, I meant “me”…HA why would I say “mr” GEEZ I mean (cough cough) aw, fuckhole…

Fuck always feels good and its usually used when something goes wrong, but if someone frustrates me, and I’m in the middle of some crazed diatribe I’ll go all spanglish on them (usually Jon) and call him a ‘comemierda’ which is spanish for shit eater. LOL… its more affectionate then it sounds, but the inflection is critical because ‘comemierda’ can also be quite mean.

‘I’m in Cunt Soup’ is a goodie, ‘what a load of ballsackery’…..’you fucking dickwad’…. think I’ll shut up now, mine are a bit extreme, all I can say in my defence is that my mum was a hardcore swearer, guess I’m just hardwired that way!!!

mother fucker for sure- i swear it will be my son’s first words- eek!
i think i may have to borrow fucking muppet- that fits many an occasion.

Gotta be fuck, shit, motherfucker, bitch, bitch-ass…this is fun! :-)

well, cocksucker kinda works well for me.
but i reserve mother fuckers, for the evil rich society women who drop their overly fortunate children at the private school across the street, for their constant abuse of their very important horn honking.

Oh, Fuck, definitely. It’s a verb, a noun, an adjective! It’s a brilliant word. My mother, bless her, got over my nasty mouth a long time ago. I don’t even think she notices anymore.

Wankstain…never heard it, now love it, I will add a “fucking…” in front of it & start using it!
Personally I go with “mother fucking cocksucker” for being the quickest to melt alleviate a burst of anger. Anything with “fucking…” in front of it becomes better.
“Son-of-a-bitch” is also a popular one in my neck of the woods even for a non-directed explitive…like shit or damn.

Fuck is perhaps the most perfect word of all time… appropriate in sooo many situations..good and bad :)
I use it regularly, but like Susannah try very very hard to hold back when in the company of my Mother.
I suspect I was a sailor in a former life, as my vocabulary seems to allude to that.
Favorites: Fuck (and all variations) Cocksucker, Bitch, and the occasional Cock Sucking Mother Fucker when I’m particularly agitated.

Fuck of course…it just works in so many situations. fucking cocksucker is also one of my favs.

Fuckery. As in “Me thinks much fuckery is a foot.” That way I get the swearing urge satisfied but it sounds prettier when it’s almost iambic pentameter.

i really like this post. like, really, really like.
fucking awesome.
(variants of ‘fuck’ seem to be winning, yes? it is such a satisfying word to say!)

fuck is far too common in my vocabulary… sentences often start with fucking…it’s bad because my daughter has heard me swear far too much.
tool bag is also a favorite.

This is so funny! And yes, I’m the exact same Susannah, I swear all the time in real life, but I never ever swear online, in emails, or in any other written form. It’s sort of like if I say it out loud I can “hide the evidence” but having it written will leave it there for eternity. And of course, it’s all in the inflection. You need to HEAR me to take it the right way. ; )
My words are Fucking, preferably with the “ing,” Douche, and Son of a Bitch. The SOB is really new. I think it’s come about because I keep yelling it at the men in Mad Men. =)
By the way, I still remember the first time I said “darn.” As in the hierarchy of Dang, Darn, and Damn. It felt so shockingly good to my grade school brain that I knew I was on the slippery slope to Damn in no time!

You can’t beat ‘fuck’ for versatility. DH and I affectionately refer to one another as Spunkhound (that’s me) and Dogshit (him). Wankstain has got to be a winner though Sas.

Oh. Dear. Constant laughter… belly hurts.
My uncle had a t-shirt that said, in several fonts, sizes, and directions, “fuck ____” with many options for things worth fucking, being fucked over, or fucked by: fuck this, that, bottle caps, the government, you, me, burnt toast, sales tax… you get the idea. I remember my mother being horrified the first time he wore it around us kids, but he did it so completely unapologetically that it was kind of charming.
My youngest sister is the most creative person i know at cussing, and will occasionally roll down her window and scream strings of curses to the world, claiming temporary tourettes. My favourite: ballsack sandwiches.
I’m not that creative: it’s usually a variation of fuck, and i’ve learned some new ones here, like… fuckery? I LOVE THAT.
And in milder company, i will say shite, because i once heard my gracious Irish grandmother say it to great effect, and it stuck with me.
Susannah, THANK YOU for this.

im a big swearer in real life, not just a potty mouth, but sewer mouth. I manage to turn it off for the blog. around my mum. around my kids. my fav word is fuck. but my secret word that I use when im around others i don’t like to swear in front of is ‘buick’ gotta love made up words.

I swear a lot in a few different languages too. Fuck is a favourite word. Mangkuk is another which means a bowl in Malay (perfectly innocent) but Cunt in Japanese. It makes me smug to cuss a shopkeeper/client/etc in malay or chinese while smiling sweetly and winking at him hahaha. But my favourite memory of swearing is having my dad being called to school (Iwent to a catholic school) when I was 9 for writing *fuck sister laura, give me a, fucking migraine* into a haiku :P

Loving this post!!
Fuck is my standard go to.
Fuck shit balls. When things really hit the fan.
Douche bag(s), doucher(s)gets regular use in the car. Vancouver drivers are missing the part of their brains allowing for good driving sense.
Cocksucking Motherfucker for old times sake. My dad broke that one out when my brother and I were kids, after something went wrong in the microwave. My brother and I lost our shit, tears streaming down our little faces; priceless moment.

fuck. or any combination of words with fuck in them :P

I get a bit impatient when my temper rises to the point of needing to curse so mine tend to get strung together.
motherfuckass. cockass. fuckingshitass.
I guess “ass” is my word of choice. I never noticed it makes an appearance as often as it does!

furiously frustrated? “goddamn motherfucking fucker”
i also like “that sucks balls!”
and since reading someone’s comments recently i’ve been playing around with just pure “balls!”
i like it.
did someone really say fuckball sandwiches? that’s great…

i use both fuck & shit equally
but in the car if someone pisses me off i call them a dick

My daughter was out of town working–called me to talk—said fuck in the conversation. Her friend who was with her was appalled that she would say fuck to her mom. Morgan said, “who do you think i learned it from”!! So, yes, fuck is definitely the one!!!
cathi

HA! Oh my – what a brilliant idea. I have so many more words in my vocabulary right now (none of which are household appropriate or hubby-approved!) I’m just like you – would curse like a sailor if on my own island but quite reserved around others.
The good ole’ standby, shit, usually works (a loud quick SHIT or the drawn out shiiiiiit).
And oddly, fuckaduck – no idea where I picked that up, and by no means am I advocating the actual idea, but it rolls off the toungue quite easy in more light-hearted situations where a “fuck” isn’t quite necessary but some tangy language is called for. :)
Susannah – you are awesome.

Fuck, Damn, Shit… all variations there of and often combined. Most of them directed at my cat when he tries to pull my plants down off the window sill and I chase him around the house shouting, “Damn you little fucking piece of shit!”

fuck and its many variations…. I like it because it is a multi-tasker. It’s a noun, a verb, and can be used as an adjective and adverb!
I once had a conversation with a friend who was just shocked when women used the “f-word”. I explained that the shock value of the word was gone for me personally, because I had heard the many variations of it strung through-out sentence after sentence.

…..and my husband wanted me to add:
Whiskey Tits
and
Monkey Nuts
Lol.

Fuck is my favorite.
Here are some old fashioned swiss swear words:
Hueresiech
Gopferdami
Schissdraeck
Schafseckel
Tubel
Soumore

Wow, I can’t believe I just wrote all that. I feel so dirty.
:D

Susannah,
Geezus, Fuck shouldn’t even be considered a swear word anymore. It’s so fucking common in everyday usage now, WTF everybody uses it. Myself, I rarely swear or use foul language; unless I open my mouth. I remember when my favorite comedian, George Carlin came out with the 7 words you can’t say on TV: Shit, Fuck,Piss Cunt, Cocksuker, Motherfucker, and Tits. Are you fucking kidding me, I memorized those seven words instantly. Now I had an excuse to swear in public, like you know; “hey Becky, do you know the seven words you can’t say on TV?” No? Oh well then let me relate them for you. ;)
Even though fuck is really most favorite word, I suggest we remove it from the swear word list. Susannah, let’s have a contest to come up with a word to replace the word fuck.
rel

Your post was just what I needed as I sit here in cubical hell.
Fuck is a fabulous word and can be used in so many ways, my current favorites are fuck pot, fuck-o, and fuck stick. When we were stressed, my friend and I would play what we called the string of expletives game which was screaming a string of swear words which always ended up with us laughing our asses off.

i like the f word….it can be colored my so many emotions and used almost any time and on any occasion.
unfortunately i get censored a lot so i use sugar in it’s place. LOL

i once took a boyfriend home from the city to my parents house and in the wee hours he was out talking to my grandfather who lived next door. he came in all bright eyed and awed and said to me, your grandfather said ‘cocksucker’ and its not even noon yet !! ;-) that’s my family in a nutshell and yups me too … cocksucker and mutherfucker are up there with shitballs and i if i’m really in a miff, its cocksucking mutherfucking shitballs. oh my. :-)

my first word was shit…it is my mom and grandmothers swear word of choice.
my word of choice is fuck…it just comes out.

let’s face it “fuck” is the full word; it works as a :
noun (eg: fucker, fuck face)
verb, (fuck me–actually–that is an exclamation–fuck me!!–this shirt is a steal! –I haven’t had the opportunity to use it in its interrogative form for a awhile: “fuck me? “.
adjective: isn’t suzanne’s post fucking amazing!!
adverb: she performed fuckingly well..
standby-swears include: shit, shitballs, bloody hell, christ, jesus, bitch (but I only call myself that!); ass, asshole (used mostly when driving) prick, dick and to end on a pg note: dink.

I am so fucking loving this post! I do like to say fuck a lot, but I don’t think it’s terribly appreciated most of the time. Although reading this … maybe I’m wrong!
There are some people I would love to call tossbag or jerkwad. To their face. But, I won’t. Not conducive to work relations. :)
Thank you Susannah – needed this today!

Funniest post and comments ever! It is nice to know I’m not the only “classy chick” with a potty mouth.
Although I can use a cuss word correctly, I find now that I am sorely lacking in creativitiy! Thank you all for some great ideas!
My all time favorite is “sonofabitch” although I also use “cluster fuck and hell” regularly. Hell was my son’s first swear word at a family Christmas … oops!
Thank you for a(nother) great post!

Oh yeah, just remembered, when I want to be polite I say – fuckity-fuck.

I would have to say dick brain is one of my favs…..however, fuck is so utterly appropriate in almost all situations.
A real classic!

mine is: fucking cunt
ahhh that felt good to type it.
my husband likes to say: for fuck’s sake

Bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks BOLLLLLLOCKS!!!!!!!
Or when I’m driving… Euuuuuggghhhhh you wanker!!!!!

Well, well, I return to this thread after the night-time contributions and it’s evident that FUCK wins hands, feet and faces down. It’s just so bloody versatile! And we all knew, but we needed a place to be able to express our appreciation! So, thanks Sus, bet you’re glad you started…!

when it’s real bad, I’ll go for “helvetes jävla fan!!!” which means something like … ehm … the devil’s devil’s hell … or something like that. :) I read once that almost all the Swedish swear words have something to do with hell. Don’t know what that’s saying about us :)

“shite” uttered in a good strong dublin accent, like my own.
alternatively, “shiiiiiet” uttered exactly like so: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUjh9Id6Id8
then there’s “shitforbrains”, “bollocks” and the one i’m most embarrassed to mention: “fucking chicken hen”… which was invented by my 3-yr-old (cringe) who overheard me saying “fucking hell” (oh the shame) and mixed it up with his granny’s favourite term of endearment “my little chicken hen” to get, voilá, “fucking chicken hen”.
thank you, susannah. i feel so much better now.

Shite.
but one I cannot abide is cunt.

FUCK YAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
couldn’t go a day without saying FUCK at least a couple of hundred times!
xo

Oh wow. I’ve gotten into the habit of muttering that sucks big donkey dick! It makes me laugh. This is hilarious!

“GoddamnFucknShit”

I’ll go with Fuck. That’d be my most used one anyway.
I came across one in Russian, tho I can’t for the life of me remember what it was (if I find it, I’ll email it to you).
Basically, we were discussing, in a St Petersburg cafe, that you can say fuck to anyone under 60, in english, anywhere in the world, and they get the point, but it’s so overused that no one gives a shit anymore, and english really doesn’t have anything better, except maybe cunt.
(yes, this is the sort of conversation that 4 kiwis, 4 russians and a couple of americans get into when they have been away from home for a few weeks)
So we asked some of the guys there (who we worked with), what was the worst thing you could say to someone in Russian. And they told us.
This one, and I’m kicking myself I can’t find it, gets people totally wound up. One of the guys almost got punched out by one of the other team members who wasn’t part of the original conversation, when he asked what it ment.
Our translator (who was also part of the team I was working with) quickly hushed us all down and made very sure we never, EVER used those words in public, or private.
The literal translation is something like “your mother fucks chickens”, which sounds kinda lame, but wow – it gets them going.

cuntface is a really good one too.

I used to work with kids, so I got in the habit of saying Fudgesicle instead of Fuck – very effective and can be said anywhere. I also worked with a guy that would say God Bless America instead of Goddamn It – and, you know, it works!
Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t use adult swear words too…

Oh this made me laugh! I don’t want to sound like a prude but I don’t swear. I just don’t. But sometimes I want to and sometimes I think it would fun to just swear for funny. Actually I usually think it is funny listening to other people swear… as long as they aren’t swearing AT me. ;)
What do I say instead? Usually something silly… like freak-a-leak!

Susannah, you really hit a nerve here!
Count me among the swears in private – and with my husband crowd.
Fuck is a favorite, as others have noted, it’s very satisfying.
Cathy Zielske has been trying to encourage folks to try “DickLord” – it’s not bad.
I also like alliterative strings such as “Holy Christmas crap on a crutch”!
Here in the U.S. there have been certain politicians who have elicited “lying sacks of shit” from me. I usually sing it to the tune of “There’s a Tavern In the Town”, perhaps better known as “Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes”!
As for the C word, on the very rare occasions when I use it, it is reserved for the absolutely lowest of the low. Which is ironic because in, well, intimate settings I find it perfectly acceptable!
;o)
- Lee

nice…the tears are drying on my cheeks…i occasionally use fuck in front of my mother (in context) and she’s ok, I try to control it in front of the little ones… my favourite is from my partner when I suggested moving to a nice little quiet country town to raise the children—his answer: ” i’m just not interested in packing up and moving us all out to the middle of bumfuck”.
I also personally like For Fuck’s Sake, like in a particularly trying situation…

Boy, there’s a whole lot of cussin’ gong on! We teased an old friend who said ‘shit’ so much that it would be her daughter’s first word…and it was! As a one year old she dropped her bottle and with perfect inflection said,”Oh shit!” But the funniest one EVER was when my mom (who was known to swear) had this charmer fall out of her mouth…as my sister and I busted out of the front door holding back hysterical fits of laughter, we heard mom say “Well Christ on a bicycle!”
All of these years later I still wonder what the #$%^(% THAT meant and where did she get THAT????

hahaha loving “god damn fucking turkey neck”, that’s awesome!
my most commonly used ones:
Shitsake
Fucksake
Arse
BASTARDS!! (I’ve got to be really mad for that one)
Buggerty-wank
Bloody hell
Bollocks
When my friend Duncan realises something’s gone wrong, he usually comes out with “Fuck! Bollocks! Cunt! Arse! TITWANK!!!!!!” which is quite amusing.

oh fuck yeah this is fabulous. thanks for resurrecting this post in your most recent post, i missed it in the winter.

“oh fucking hell fuck” is probably my most common. i said it tonight when i accidentally ate fresh jalapenos that spread into my nose and eyes. fucking nightmare.

Eeeee! My first time seeing this post, oh damn! I cuss so
much offline, but online, it feels like a huge no no. I remember I
cussed on Facebook one time, not even a big deal cussword and one
of my friends was so shocked. He was all OMG Jenn, it’s so weird
when you cuss. I went to school with this guy, he knows I swear
like a sailor, but whatevs. I just dropped $500 on car repairs this
morning and oh boy did I drop a “mo-ther fuck-er” emphasis on the
first syllable of each word. That’s my go-to for when some shit
really goes down. Cuss words that live on stand-by include: dick,
eg. Whatta dick. fuck, eg. Someone clearly needs to shut the fuck
up. (STFU becomes one word) and bitch, eg. Oh ho! Someone put on
his bitch pants this morning. (equal opportunity pants, and yes, I
just said bitch!) Wheeee!

I live in the Philippines and even though we do swear in
English all the time (shit, fuck, fucker, motherfucker, fuck you,
dammit, goddammit, ass, asshole, dickhead, slutcake) sometimes the
Tagalog words do seem more profane: Putang ina mo (Your mother is a
whore) of a shortened version of that (Tangina), Puñeta (no one
knows what it means) or Tae (shit). When we were young we don’t
know where it comes from and children swear a lot so when they
fight they go like “Your father doesn’t have a dick.” of “Your
mother fucks tricycle drivers.” Horrible, I know. But they get out
of it one way or another. LOL.

I meant syllables ;)

ha, this and you are amazing!

I swear so much at home and even more if I have a couple of drinks, its awful. I get told off by a lot of people haha. oh well.

Favourites are definitely fuck and bollocks, especially if I’ve stubbed my toe!

Being English “bollocks” does get trotted out regularly but occasionally only “klootzak” [klotezzak] will do. It is a word I picked up during my years of cycling to school in Antwerp. It literally means “you’re bag of bollocks” but in the local vernacular conjures up all the disdain you would associated with somebody who is several runs below the lowest form of pond life.