So this is the face of a 38 year-old, unwashed, no make-up, sheepish smile, in my bathroom this morning. I’m finding that “38” sounds remarkably like “nearly 40” in my head today. This is the first time my age has even remotely bothered me and i know it’s because i’m feeling the nots — not married, not dating, not house-owning, not car-owning, not kid-having. All the things i should have achieved by now, at my age. There’s just me… and this book i’m scribbling. But when i honestly look at the nots i see that they are standards set by someone else* — i’ve never wanted to get married, i don’t have time to date right now, renting is okay while i decide where i want to stay, i do fine without a car, and being an auntie has filled my heart completely. When i look at what i do have — work that i’m passionate about, family & friends who are there for me, a nephew who lights the sky with his smile, food in my fridge, a cosy sofa to sink into — even if it it doesn’t sound like much, it is enough for this 38-year-old woman. I am so grateful.
* i don’t know who this person is, but their voice is the one i hear in my head!
38 things to do before I turn 39
1. Finish my book and deliver it safely to my editor
2. Prepare the Polaroids and deliver them safely to my editor
3. Go back to New York
4. Take Noah to the swings
5. Get a new tattoo
6. Watch Sas get married to Ash
7. Become a godmother
8. Lose my writing-baby weight
9. Create the Unravelling Haven!
10. Join a gym. Stat.
11. Pass my driving test <– i say this every year
12. Spend the day at the beach
13. Get my sofa re-covered
14. Sing karaoke in London with Sas
15. Move in with Abby for a week of Wobble love
16. Take more time off
17. Go to Isle of Wight with the BBC
18. Meet my mentors
19. Rescue a kitten
20. Move house – not sure where yet
21. Take Polaroids in Highgate Cemetery
22. Get my teeth whitened
23. Visit Alex & Gabi in San Francisco
24. Have a pedicure
25. Start writing book No. 2
26. Visit Hanne in Bristol
27. Read more poetry
28. Go on a date
29. Celebrate Wobble’s first birthday!
30. Visit Denise in Bellingham
32. Drink more juice
33. Back up my computers more regularly!
34. Go on road trip with Leslie
35. Shave my legs more often
36. Do some painting
37. Write gratitude lists
38. Eat more Nutella – today is World Nutella Day! How very fitting ;-)