Always wear your invisible crown

Always wear your invisible crown |
Recently a friend of mine was telling me about some stress she was having at work. Something had happened and while it wasn’t directly anything to do with her she was still getting it in the neck from her boss who’d been unprofessional and, frankly, mean to her. As I listened to her speak my overwhelming reaction was: but don’t they know who you are?! Didn’t they know how funny and talented and incredible she was? Because all I could see in front of me was my brilliant friend who inspires me to do my best and supports me when I get scared. The one who knows the fire of bereavement herself and navigates the world with such kindness and style. And I said that to her — don’t they know who you are? Don’t they know how awesome you are?

I was thinking about that moment this morning as I dried my hair and prepared to start my day. It’s so easy to see the best in our loved ones. It’s easy to criticise and judge too, don’t get me wrong, but the feeling I reach for first when I think of the person I love is… love. I feel proud of them. I see the spark, the originality, the unique-ness that is them. I know of their struggles and torments and I also know how they try to do their best. How they are wonderfully and completely human and I wouldn’t want them to be any other way.

You know what’s coming next, don’t you. Why can’t I think about myself in this way?

I have moments when I do. Fleeting ephemeral moments when I catch myself thinking “I did okay” “that wasn’t too bad” or even “go me!” but they are so few and far between. I have never thought of myself as awesome let alone said it out loud, though I believe this is a good thing as people who genuinely think they are awesome are generally extremely loud and annoying ;)

But what about the middle way? The quiet confident knowing that I am deserving of my own kindness. My own respect. My own appreciation. Not ego. Not bravado. Not self-agrandising. Just being okay with liking ourselves (woo, that’s a big one, right there. BIG.)

I’ve been chewing on this a lot recently. The imminent book publication/book tour/ promotion stuff is making me feel… well, just making me FEEL a lot. of. stuff. Not everything has to be turned into an opportunity for personal development, but geez, sometimes you can’t help yourself. A while back I found a pin on Pinterest that said: Always wear your invisible crown. It’s become bit of a mantra for me lately. Not because I want to swan around like a princess, but because it simply reminds me to stand tall and be proud of what I’m doing. For someone who grew up feeling very small, this is huge.

Always wear your invisble crown.

If I promise to wear mine, will you wear yours?

Posted on 13-03-2012
47 responses
  1. sas

    I love you x

  2. Victoria

    Oh, I can relate to these words! Isn’t amazing how we can see in others that we can’t see in ourselves? You are awesome and inspiring. Wear your crown with pride. I’ll wear mine too. Perhaps we’ll start a movement of confident, empowered women.

  3. Toni Brown

    well, but, splutter — the thing of it is: You ARE a Princess. and a swan. and it’s because you walk that quiet middle already — where insecure meets ‘I did it’, and such — and that pretty much means your crown is visible as opposed to invisible, but that’s to my perspective, looking AT you. You must write a post, I think, about how it feels when you have worn that crown & learned to delight in it, reached for it in the morning to accessorize your hair and head and posture and self regard … I’m also curious to hear how it feels to be a Princess With Swan Feathers (from the inside out). [I love your honesty. I love that you say, so often, what I recognize to be true about myself. I don’t aspire to be a Princess With Swan Feathers because that’s covered (by YOU), but I do really want to know what it feels like to be a Mermaid On Legs, Wearing Her Shimmering Tail As A Magical Cape, Hair Studded with Pearls and Tiny Nautilus shells!].

    Toni, you are awesome x

  4. Mariella

    I’ll try. I promise :)

  5. Jenn Gibson

    Oh yes. Yes, yes yes.

    And that is huge, S. ♥

  6. Jo

    I love you. With or without a crown. With or without the lurgy. With or without a book. With or without a driving licence. With or without PMS. But fuck yeah the invisible crown thing TOTALLY works :) xxxxx

  7. Michaela

    Wow, the perfect reminder for me today. Thank you, Susannah! I see your crown every time an email from you arrives in my box. I assure you, it is brilliant!!

  8. Christine Hickey

    Just what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you!

  9. Briana Morrison

    I love this Susannah! You said it perfectly and every word is so very true.

    I often have troubles liking myself, as I’m sure most people do. This mantra sounds like the perfect thing for a new desktop. :-)

  10. Angela


    Something we all should do, thank you for the eloquent reminder.

  11. Hannah Marcotti

    Susannah. You are only more amazing now with this post.

    Lately I’ve been really stuck, flowing with resistance. I think about how I talk to my women, how I shower them with love and remind them of their incredible spirits and gifts. Today I’ve been trying to remind myself that I am deserving of that showering of words, from me. Starting always with, I am love.

    Love ya woman, crown or no crown.

  12. Marcela

    Ah Susannah, I can SO relate to this. Also today (synchronicity?) I was wondering why I am other’s best, most enthusiastic cheerleader, while I only find flaws in myself and what I do…The timing of this post is, therefore, PERFECT. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  13. Nicola

    I grew up feeling very small too and thinking of myself in positive terms is something I find very difficult but I will certainly try. I really admire what you are doing and love what you write. You should be proud. You are amazing xx

  14. Catalina

    I will for sure! wear yours!

    lovely lovely posts!


  15. Suzanne

    I will wear the pretty crown on my “invisible”
    shiny, silky, gorgeous locks ; )

  16. Lis

    If you get the chance, I totally recommend Jen Lee’s 4 cd set “The Iconic Self” which speaks to this very issue. And borrowing from a story shared by Jen’s collaborator, I would say “Don’t you know? You are Susannah Fucking Conway!” (do I get bonus points for homework AND cursing?)

    Seriously though … sometimes it does help to get perspective from another who sees what we miss – which is usually our power and strength. So yeah, in my weak moments I rally myself and say “Wait a minute, I’m Lisa Fucking Hofmann … I can do this” or “I earned this.” And now I will don my crown and slay some more of my invisible orcs. xo

  17. teryll

    This is so very powerful. It’s easy to do for others what we wish we could do for ourselves. Wearing my crown for all the invisible world to see!

  18. Nina

    I think you mentioned that invisible crown thing once before, and I’ve often thought of it since then. Especially any time I feel embarrassed, it’s a useful thing to think – walking into a party, returning something in a shop, going for a smear test… All good moments to remember about the invisible crown. It’s funny, it’s not so much about expecting people to treat me a certain way, but more about knowing it’s OK to be myself and also that I can be nice to others – you know, like a princess has time to be friendly and personable with her subjects, in a humble way rather than a haughty one. Am I making any sense?

  19. Sharon Harkness

    Thank you Susannah for the reminder. I have unearthed my invisible crown, dusted it off, and placed it carefully on my head. I had forgotten how lovely it was. I had forgotten that it was alright for me to wear it. It takes a little getting used to, but I love the way it feels. Your insights always inspire and move me. Thank you.

  20. dawn

    the line ‘not everything has to be turned into an opportunity for personal development’ hit me, as i think the older we get some of our learning should be less. it seems to go in ebbs and flows. i so relate to the feeling of being able to build up others, write about it and think it, but then have difficulty believing it for myself. you are lovely and will do well on your book promotion!

  21. Amy

    Like your beautiful heart, this is equally just stunning! :)

  22. Anne Jutras

    Sure I will! Your post touch me, so many time (too often in fact) we underestimate our quality.

    Let’s wear our crown proudly! ;)

  23. Marianne

    Hell yes. Thank you. In New Zealand (and I think the UK is a bit like this too) we are discouraged from thinking – let alone saying – that we are awesome. It’s called ‘being too big for your boots’ and it’s a great way to make us shut up and stay small. So if you wear your invisible crown I promise to wear mine too, and we’ll find our own quiet path of confidence. Love you! x

  24. beth

    what a great thing to remember everyday….thank you for this….
    and yes, i’ll be wearing my invisible crown more often now :)

  25. Katherine

    If you wear yours. I’ll wear mine! Love to you!

  26. Michelle Park

    The Crown of Confidence (from Green Wing)

    best keep ours invisible :)


  27. Stephinie

    This is so good. I’m always amazed how we speak to ourselves in ways we would NEVER speak to our loved ones. I love the invisible crown…. and plan to share it with my kiddos…. it’s perfect.
    And you are totally awesome :)

  28. Elle

    We have not met, I have never even before posted but when I read your blog (often) I feel such overwhelming sense of respect and admiration for you – for what you have done and for who you are. You deserve that crown 1,000 times over. I am so very happy for your successes, many more to you.

    With Love from Los Angeles,

  29. Barbara

    your posts are always a (good) suprise and I admire your way to express so much!! This is just wonderful. What a great word, and oh yes, I have to remind myself to put on and to wear it more often!

  30. Jessilicious

    Yes, I want to wear my invisible crown, too! :)

    I also wanted to comment on what you said about people who think they are awesome being obnoxious, etc… I’ve actually found that to be not *quite* true. The people who ACT like they are awesome and are obnoxious actually don’t really believe that they are awesome – they are trying to get approval, seem cool, etc and so they come across as obnoxious. When you really know and believe that you are awesome, it tends to be more of a quiet, confident *knowing*. You already KNOW it and don’t feel the need to broadcast it or act cool. When you really know you’re awesome, you don’t need anyone else to confirm it or approve. ;)

  31. michelle gd

    dear princess with the invisible crown, you are lovely and modest and so very deserving of the world’s love. do stand tall and feel the hugeness of your life’s work. hugs to you…

  32. jane/faerian

    today is a day where i can’t find my invisible crown let alone wear it… here’s to self tenderness – that is about the best crown i can find today

  33. Zavila

    Thank for this true and beautiful post!!! I hope that you use your crown. I´m using mine.

  34. Melinda @ Stupendous Joy

    I love this idea Susannah! I’ll definitely be wearing mine from here on. X

  35. Adam

    My motivation is very low today but I’m putting my crown on and reminding myself that any effort I put into the projects I have in front of me is a step towards a brighter future. Also reminding myself that I deserve gentleness and self love. Thanks!

  36. Kathryn

    this is a brilliant post. I feel really lucky to have grown up in the family I have and to have grown in our world, as I didn’t go to school (and I’m not saying school is bad, to each their own, right?) I grew in our own world. I have my moments and at this stage in my life I’m having to grow through stuff but I generally like myself and I love that you inspire others to do that, too.
    I’ll be wearing my crown (as long as my brother doesn’t try to steal it again and become the king of two crowns). hope I didn’t go on too much. :)

  37. dara

    That’s a great idea! I will dig out my crown out from my luxurious deep walk-in costume closet …and start wearing it! LOL

  38. Robyn

    Love this idea!! Since it is night as I read this, I will set mine out to wear in the morning! Actually, all day for that matter! Thanks!

  39. Sue Peterson

    So needed to read this…even if I am months late to the party! Tomorrow, I don my crown. Thanks for sharing.

  40. Donna

    Thank you Susannah! I have just come out of a difficult situation at work. Through it all I discovered three friends who have stuck by me, protected me and encouraged me to reach past to something new and better. I truly love these ladies! But I have asked myself “why do they love me so much? Why do they care?” I am sometimes egocentric, stubborn, difficult…Your post has answered my question. It is because they do see my faults and my gifts. They see my invisible crown. Thank you!

  41. cococita

    Thank you (again :)) for showing your vulnerable, auhentic you! And for this post, as its timing is perfect (as always :)) xXx

  42. Sherry

    I WILL make this commitment to myself. xo

  43. Jenna

    Ive just taken a few moments to read some of your posts and they have made me smile. You are a little breath of fresh air. Blowing my own trumpet doesn’t come easy to me but I shall endeavour to wear my invisible crown from here on in x

  44. Charlotte

    Wise comments as always.
    As a teenager, everything about yourself is wrong, from the way your hair is continuously sticking out everywhere to the fact essays do not- I repeat do not- work out the way you want them to.
    However, there are times when I think that I have finally done something not stupid. and those are the times when I lift my invisible crown to my head and smile (but half the time it justs falls right back off as I walk into the table for the millionth time!)

  45. charlotte

    I am definately wearing my invisible crown today- I got a C on my sociology resit paper (which is up two grades from an E)!!!!

  46. Jen

    Does this crown come with strength? I could use a bit.

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