This morning I realised it had been a whole month since I left Bath and I shook my head, amazed. That went really fast.
When you decide to make a change it can take ages to get to the actual jumping off point. There’s all the preparation and procrastinating and fretting and double-guessing: is this the right thing to do? What if it goes wrong? And then the day arrives and you make the jump. You move house. You leave the country. You tender your resignation. You tell him you can’t live like this anymore. And before you know it time is passing and you’re living in your imagined future. You took your courage in your hands and made it happen.
You did it.
New beginnings are best when you embrace them. There have been several times in my life when I was convinced it was game over. That what had happened was surely earth-shattering enough to halt the sun in its tracks and stop everything. But no, the sun carried on rising and setting dispite what was going down in my little world. Time passes and we can either adapt to our new situation or flounder. Sometimes it takes a lot longer than you’d like, but you do reach a point where the new becomes the familiar again, even if the new was borne out of the fire.
New beginnings are a wild ride. I feel completely remade as I work my way through this transition, and the process has been far from smooth. I’ve swung between the highs of falling back in love with the city to the uncomfortable realisation that old ways of being just aren’t going to work in this new place. There’s always something that you hadn’t prepared yourself for, always an emotion or situation or possibility you hadn’t factored in. It’s never what you thought it would be, but in my experience it’s often better than you’d pictured. The trick is to stay fluid, to be gentle with your remade self and to lean on the familiar practices you can wrap around your shoulders like a cashmere blanket.
This is proving to be incredibly fertile time, for even as I’ve been turning round and round like a dog trying to find the right place to sit, I’ve been making notes towards something that’s been wanting to be born for a while — i just didn’t have the right headspace. Until now.
I’ll tell you more about that next week :)