On the phone the other day my sister told me about a conversation she’d had with Noah in the car. She’d told him that she loved him, and he’d looked at her and said, ‘no, Mummy, you love Daddy.’
‘That’s true,’ my sister said, ‘but I love you too. Do you love Mummy?’
‘I love Susie,’ said Noah. ‘Susie loves me as big as the sky.’
Which is what I’d told him the weekend before — several times, in fact — in-between kissing his face, and dancing, and letting him play with my make-up. And playing trains…. and watching Tangled…. and making some cooking.
I keep thinking about this sweet little exchange. I love that Noah thinks about me when I’m not there. I love that I am a part of his small reality. I love that he doesn’t forget me. These are the things that keep me going on the days I want to give up.
And now he is three. He still says ‘fallah’ instead of flower, and we hope he never stops. He says actually all the time, but it’s “atch-a-len”. He likes us to chase him around the kitchen on his scooter — “let’s go quickly fast!” he says. And we try… we try.
Being his auntie has brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined. I remember watching him come into this world. His mummy was so brave in those last hours — in all the hours. I knew that watching my sister give birth would mean something special, but i had no idea that it was Noah she was giving birth to. The funniest, cutest, sweetest little boy who has stolen all our hearts and made this world a better place to live in. I love him more today than I did yesterday, and will love him even more tomorrow.
And now this auntie needs to have a little cry.
I love you, baba. As big as the sky.