Things I want to remember

Beads | SusannahConway.com
I try not to spoil him but I know I do. I spoil him with love, with my attention, with presents, yes, with presents, too. I can’t help it. I am just so honoured to be a part of his life. I feel so incredibly lucky to know him and be the recipient of his kisses and cuddles. I love cosying up on the sofa with him and scooping his little body into my lap and burying my nose in his hair. My love for this small human is tactile and deeply felt. I still get butterflies on the way to see him; I mope around the house the day I get home. It’s hard not seeing him every day, but when I’m there I am THERE, completely present, totally his.

emailing
The first morning I had to send an important email to a friend, so I perched on the bed with my laptop typing as quickly as I could. Noah wandered in and stood beside me, watching intently. “When I’m older I can write on the computer like you,” he said. “Yes you can,” I said, pressing send and closing the screen. An hour or so later my sister and I went looking for Noah only to find him sat on the bed with my laptop open, typing an “email”. I swear my heart exploded into a million pieces right there.

Watching him play with two of his little friends I understand how he is a particularly active child, shall we say. Always on the move. Always talking. Always peforming (my sister and I have vowed never to tell him to stop showing off.) He is a live wire, a shooting star, our very own Billy Elliot. He loves his princesses — Jasmine is his current favourite, though Ariel and Belle are close behind. Panda is his favourite soft toy, a furry friend he sleeps with each night, keeping him safe. He LOVES dressing up — Auntie Susie may have bought him a Merida dress at the weekend :) Our boy loves being a boy and he loves doing “girl” things, too — it’s all glorious fun to him and he inspires me to own who I am because he models it so well. Our little guru wearing sparkly leggings, pinging a bow and arrow around the room.

Teddy comes home with us
On Saturday I treated him to a teddy bear that’s as tall as him, and I said: “If you ever miss me and you feel sad then you can cuddle teddy and he will help you feel better until I come back.” I say these things and I never know if they register, his nearly-four-year-old attention flying from shiny object to TV screen to iPad to his princesses. But my sister told me he came home from nursery the day I left and declared he was missing me and hugged teddy. I nearly cried. I always make her tell me the things he says about me when I’m not there, my heartache-y auntie need to know he still loves me. And he does… he does :)

And good god, I love him so.

teddy bear

Posted on 30-01-2014
9 responses
  1. lucinda

    so sweet – MY heart melted!

  2. Kristy Daum

    I became an Aunt for the first time last year, my Nephew is turning 1 on Saturday and I look forward to feeling all of these things that you have so eloquently expressed.

  3. Julie-Ann

    Oh my goodness, that last photo is full of LOVE and ADORABLE.

  4. elizabeth

    oh good GOD — he is pure love

  5. LIZ BLIGHT

    I HAVE ELEVEN NEPHEWS AND NIECES AND IT IS SOOO SPECIAL BEING AN AUNTIE. I GET THAT FEELING TOO. THANKS FOR SHARING.

    sorry for using caps by mistake!

  6. Linda

    Such a heartfelt and heart-warming post Susannah,

    That adorable little man is so lucky to be surrounded by special people who love, nurture and cherish him. I can feel the love and warmth through your blog. He is a wee treasure.

    I am going to be an auntie soon but live in Scotland while the rest of my family live in Ireland. Already feeling the tug on my heart strings about not being close by and physically present in my families life. We have our lives to lead but can be difficult not being near, especially to little ones.

    Sounds like you make each moment you see him special.

    Big hugs xo

  7. La plume et la page

    He found a new friend. So cute! A charming little boy.

  8. Philippa

    I love being an Aunty too. It’s so magical and a bit scary, the love you feel for these children :) x

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