While I’m exploring The Sacred Alone with 322 other people (that sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it) I thought I’d share an old post from 2009. I don’t know why I even thought to read this post today, but perhaps there’s somebody out there who needs to read these words. I offer this as yet more evidence that we CAN create the life we dream of. That is IS worth trying, it IS worth reaching high. In a year’s time, or five years’ time, or even in six months’ time, life could look very different. Let’s work towards making that happen…
Sometimes we don’t believe we are worthy of receiving what we dream of; sometimes we don’t believe it could ever happen. Sometimes we are so convinced of our apparent unworthiness we do everything we can to prevent the good stuff entering our lives. We don’t do this consciously, of course. I’m slowly learning that all I need to do to help the good stuff manifest is to step out the way, to stop littering the path with my worries and insecurities, and all the endless head-chatter that scares the dream whisps away. In some ways it’s easier to sabotage our dreams than help them become reality — that way, when they don’t happen we can shrug our shoulders and say, ‘see? I knew it. I’m not worth it.’ But lately I’ve been trying this idea on for size: what if I AM worthy? What if it is okay for good things to come into my life?
There was a part of me that assumed life would be easier once I survived the grief — that I’d embrace a new life-is-short credo and let go of all my fears, gliding through life feeling the power of survival under my wings. But that didn’t happen. Life still felt as difficult as ever, if not more so. But today I realised that I’ve reached a place where I’ve let go of some expectations — of what my life should be looking like by now, of what I am capable of doing, of who I could be. I’m starting to embrace what is, and that includes giving my dreams more space to breathe.
I always thought I’d be married with kids by now, that I’d be more successful by now, and more established blah blah blah. What I’m starting to grasp is that this is it — this is my life — so why not have some fun with it? View it as a malleable batch of bread dough and see what shapes I can create. Because no one else is going to do it for me, and, heck, maybe some good stuff will happen. This weekend I made a good start on my book proposal, and in doing so I drop-kicked the whiny but-who-do-i-think-i-am-to-write-a-book out of my third-floor window.
My part of the deal is to work hard, be committed and have a little faith. And to make room in my life for the good stuff to flow. We are allowed to have our dreams, big and small and everything in between. Think of them like your children, to be protected and nurtured, believed in and encouraged — and when the time is right, you need only get out of their way so they can stretch their wings and fly.
First posted November 1st, 2009