Finding purpose

“Everyone has been called for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in their heart.” ~ Rumi

It’s so easy to become discouraged, so easy to think you can’t do it. So easy to look at those who have gone before you and sit back down knowing they are better and so you should not even try. But I know there will always be better writers, better photographers, better poets than me, but does that mean I should not try? For the old me, the answer would have been yes. But that was before…

I’m not big on self-help books, but I’ve been reading a little pocket-sized book that was sent to me by the author a few years ago. I’d interviewed life coach Fiona Harrold a couple of times for articles I was writing, and each time we’d had a fantastic chat, not only about the topic I was writing about, but also about life – more specifically, about my life. Life coaching, when done well, is an amazing tool and Fiona very generously shared her time and wisdom with me.

Just as bereavement redefines your relationship with the one who died, grief redefines your relationship with yourself and the world. The changes in me have been radical, yet there are still a few layers that need to be peeled off, washed and aired, and reapplied. With the move to London so imminent I’ve been plotting my return, and trying to work out who I am. Am I a journalist, a writer or a photographer? I am all of these, yet I’ve been feeling the need for more clarity, for a greater sense of my purpose.  This morning I read an exercise in Fiona’s book Reinvent Yourself that brought my thoughts into focus:

“Answer these simple questions with five words or a short statement for each:

1. What do you want most out of life?

2. What do you want to see happen in the world?

3. What makes you special?

4. What things can you do/are you capable of doing right now?

Now write this statement as follows:

I will… (choose one answer from 4), using  my… (answer from 3), to accomplish (answer from 2), and in so doing achieve… (answer 1).

Now you have a mission statement that gives you a purpose and strengthens your sense of self. Repeat this exercise on a regular basis to fine-tune and hone.”

~ Reinvent Yourself, Fiona Harrold, 2004.

I realised that for the last two years my purpose had been to survive the pain; later it was to heal. Now it seems to be to live, and to live I want to be doing things and engaging with the world. I’ve written out my mission statement, and it occurred to me that there is no reason why I can’t achieve whatever I set my mind to. The only factor that ever stopped me before was me, but that naïve girl is no longer here. She has been replaced with a wise sage, a warrior woman, a survivor. Now I know how short life is; it’s about time I started living it to the full.