~ Hello 2010 ~

Narnia_sunAfter all the colour and clatter of the festivities, I want to sink into silence for a few days. My plans for 2010 are clamouring for my attention, as if a switch has been thrown and now they are free to run around the playground. But right now i'm more intrigued by the clear white space of a new year, open for possibilities, new beginnings, clear-headed thinking, dreaming, manifesting. Letting go of the old year, and all the mistakes, and welcoming in a new way of thinking – positive, hopeful, optimistic. Ready. Clear. Free.

I've made this desktop wallpaper* for January as a reminder – I find it difficult to say those super-loving affirmations to myself (you know the ones: I am beautiful, I am a radiant being of light, blah blah blah) so i figured if i we say it to each other it would be just as powerful…

You are amazing.

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* The images are for your personal use only and I retain the copyright, etc etc :)

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~ My dream home ~

Jo_bedroom When i finally buy a home and can decorate it as i choose, I'd really like it to look like this place. Jo Kornstein is a set designer and the co-owner of London boutique Howie & Belle, and i am in LOVE with her home (as featured in the November issue of UK Vogue). All that vintage-y goodness, and those sultry dark walls! And don't even get me started on the bathroom….
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Jo_montage
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[Click to enlarge images; all photographs by Hugh Stewart]

Allowing dreams

Yell_leaves_bright

Allowing dreams to manifest without getting in their way

Sometimes we don’t believe we are worthy of receiving what we dream of; sometimes we don’t believe it could ever happen. Sometimes we are so convinced of our apparent unworthiness we do everything we can to prevent the good stuff entering our lives. We don’t do this consciously, of course. I’m slowly learning that all i need to do to help the good stuff manifest is to step out the way, to stop littering the path with my worries and insecurities, and all the endless head-chatter that scares the dream whisps away. In some ways it’s easier to sabotage our dreams than help them become reality – that way, when they don’t happen we can shrug our shoulders and say, ‘see? I knew it. I’m not worth it.’ But lately i’ve been trying this idea on for size: what if i AM worthy? What if it is okay for good things to come into my life?

There was a part of me that assumed life would be easier once i survived the grief – that i’d embrace a new life-is-short credo and let go of all my fears, gliding through life feeling the power of survival under my wings. But that didn’t happen. Life still felt as difficult as ever, if not more so. But today I realised that i’ve reached a place where i’ve let go of some expectations – of what my life should be looking like by now, of what i am capable of doing, of who i could be. I’m starting to embrace what is, and that includes giving my dreams more space to breathe.

I always thought i’d be married with kids by now, that i’d be more successful by now, and more established blah blah blah. What i’m starting to grasp is that this is it – this is my life – so why not have some fun with it? View it as a malleable batch of bread dough and see what shapes i can create. Because no one else is going to do it for me, and, heck, maybe some good stuff will happen. This weekend I made a good start on my book proposal, and in doing so i drop-kicked the whiny but-who-do-i-think-i-am-to-write-a-book out of my third-floor window.

My part of the deal is to work hard, be committed and have a little faith. And to make room in my life for the good stuff to flow. We are allowed to have our dreams, big and small and everything in between. Think of them like your children, to be protected and nurtured, believed in and encouraged – and when the time is right, you need only get out of their way so they can stretch their wings and fly.

I made a new desktop wallpaper* to remind me of my commitments – i thought you might like it too.

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* The images are for your personal use only and I retain the copyright, etc etc :)

~ Commitment ~

Pumpkin_box500

Today i commit to:

Saying yes

Saying no

Believing in possibility

Taking risks

Trying really hard, then trying some more

Finishing

Putting it out there

Being open

Being patient

Being excited

Allowing dreams to manifest without getting in their way

Letting go of all fear, worry and competitiveness

Embracing hope.

Happy Halloween!