Seattle… part two

If you pay attention the universe will send you signs and messages, clues to help you along your path. I didn’t have to look too hard this last week in Seattle. Meg and I arrived at Seattle Airport, tired and hungry after a nine-hour fight – unfortunately only one of my two suitcases arrived with me… the one with all my clothes in it was still in Heathrow. For years my greatest fear when travelling was that I would lose my suitcase, lose my ‘stuff’, but there I was in a brand new country surrounded by brand new friends and I didn’t care a jot that I didn’t have my possessions with me. Thus the theme of my trip to Seattle was established: I learnt to let go of my baggage and focus on the present moment (this was helped by the fact that the suitcase I did have with me contained all my poetry books and photographs – just goes to show what’s really important, eh?)

Horrendous jet lag clouded the first few days, leaving me feeling alien and so out of sorts I found it hard to reach out, but the loving arms and gentle nudges of my co-conspirators let me know I was safe. Each layer we uncovered brought us closer together. Each glass of wine toasted our new friendships, each tear shed washed away old hurts. There are so many moments I will cherish always, so many snippets that made up a whole… Liz’s magical chanting at the end of our yoga session that joined my heart to hers. Tears shared with Thea on the back porch that bound the threads of our grief together, leaving us feeling less alone – another time sharing pages of my diary with her. Michelle’s gentle presence, taking it all in and letting her true self come out to play – our hugs outside the pub with be with me always. Meg’s exuberantly infectious smile (and filthy laugh), lifting us all up and surrounding us with love – the perfect travelling companion, with Rescue Remedy and Airborne to keep us healthy. Letha’s nurturing warmth and deep ocean of understanding, her grief and journey a mirror to my own – a missing piece of my jigsaw. And Denise, my little sister monkey and 3am whisperer – we’ve now sealed a connection that started lifetimes ago.

I talked about my love a little bit during the retreat, and on Monday, persuaded by a couple of glass of red wine, I retold the story to Letha and Denise over dinner. This was a significant purging moment for me, resulting in a dream of such clarity and emotion I woke in floods of tears the next morning- and my girls were there for me. To be able to express grief in the company of those who love me was truly a gift. I’m so used to doing it all on my own, but for once I didn’t have to. I will never forget that generosity.

I loved loved loved Seattle and every American I spoke to was so friendly it puts England to shame (though there was always that pause as they tried to understand what I’d said in my apparently incomprehensible accent). I took full advantage of the fabulous exchange rate and came home laden with poetry books, jewellery, organic bath products and lots of beautiful journals and scrapbooking papers (my new obsession). A few clichés were confirmed – food portions are so big! – we drove past a gun store (a truly surreal sight) I tried beef jerky (revolting) and bought a Twinkie (haven’t eaten it yet but it looks so synthetic I’m guessing there’s no hurry…)

Four days after arriving in Seattle my suitcase finally turned up, but after feeling so comfortable in Letha’s jeans and Thea’s sweater I realised I didn’t need to wear my old clothes in order to be ‘me’ – those six women saw me for who I am and loved me because of it, not despite it. Leaving them all was so hard and I wanted to pack them in my suitcase and bring them home with me. Each of my girls were returning to the arms of their beloved, while I returned to an empty flat, but I carried them in my heart and that helped warm the space around me… I miss them all dreadfully. These are friendships that will last a lifetime…