Naughty Words Wednesday

Naughty word Wednesday |


In real life I swear a lot. On the blog – rarely. In front of my mother? Never. It’s a respect thing – she doesn’t swear so i don’t swear in front of her. Because i love her (I love you, Mum – don’t read the comments on this post, okay?)

But back to real life – for today’s commenting experiment i thought it would be fun to let off some steam, plant a few f-bombs, let our hair down and break a few nicey nicey blog rules. So please answer the following question as creatively and colourfully as you want.

What’s your favourite swear word? I’ll go first…


Updated to add: I have been laughing all afternoon! This might be my favourite post ever. Check out the bad word dictionary (thanks Julie) and a video clip that always makes me chuckle.


153 responses
  1. Carol

    It would have to be fuck. I must admit that I despise the C**t word though. But yeah, fuck fuckity fuck ;-)

  2. Vanessa

    “shite” uttered in a good strong dublin accent, like my own.
    alternatively, “shiiiiiet” uttered exactly like so:
    then there’s “shitforbrains”, “bollocks” and the one i’m most embarrassed to mention: “fucking chicken hen”… which was invented by my 3-yr-old (cringe) who overheard me saying “fucking hell” (oh the shame) and mixed it up with his granny’s favourite term of endearment “my little chicken hen” to get, voilá, “fucking chicken hen”.
    thank you, susannah. i feel so much better now.

  3. robby

    This honestly just made me so happy, reading through these comments.
    I’m afraid to put anything down. Gotta stay innocent. :D

  4. Toni Brown

    but one I cannot abide is cunt.

  5. Mel

    i say “for fucking out loud” a lot. mind not when the three year old is around.

  6. stef

    couldn’t go a day without saying FUCK at least a couple of hundred times!

  7. lisa

    All one word.

  8. thursday

    Oh wow. I’ve gotten into the habit of muttering that sucks big donkey dick! It makes me laugh. This is hilarious!

  9. the catskill kiwi

    i can be heard muttering.
    “cocksucker motherfucker” quite often, under my breath of course.

  10. Rosalinda


  11. Stacey

    It started way back in college but my standard is “Fuck me with a rusty spoon!” it’s served me well for 15 years!

  12. Nic Wise

    I’ll go with Fuck. That’d be my most used one anyway.
    I came across one in Russian, tho I can’t for the life of me remember what it was (if I find it, I’ll email it to you).
    Basically, we were discussing, in a St Petersburg cafe, that you can say fuck to anyone under 60, in english, anywhere in the world, and they get the point, but it’s so overused that no one gives a shit anymore, and english really doesn’t have anything better, except maybe cunt.
    (yes, this is the sort of conversation that 4 kiwis, 4 russians and a couple of americans get into when they have been away from home for a few weeks)
    So we asked some of the guys there (who we worked with), what was the worst thing you could say to someone in Russian. And they told us.
    This one, and I’m kicking myself I can’t find it, gets people totally wound up. One of the guys almost got punched out by one of the other team members who wasn’t part of the original conversation, when he asked what it ment.
    Our translator (who was also part of the team I was working with) quickly hushed us all down and made very sure we never, EVER used those words in public, or private.
    The literal translation is something like “your mother fucks chickens”, which sounds kinda lame, but wow – it gets them going.

  13. Katy

    Definitely lots of “fuck” and “fucking” and “motherfucker,” but I also tend to add the word “wad” to the ends of a variety of swearwords…as in douchewad, dickwad, fuckwad…yeah. Not sure where that came from, but it works.

  14. andrea d.

    cuntface is a really good one too.

  15. Sarah

    OMG Susannah…I am on the floor laughing..tears running down my hustban thinks I am crazy….Giggle snort …fucking A! Yup that and Sonofabitch. Although I seldom say fuck in public…well never..when my DH and I get into it… the fuck yous come out on occassion..but I much prefer sonofabitch all together…LMAO..Sarah

  16. Jennifer

    I used to work with kids, so I got in the habit of saying Fudgesicle instead of Fuck – very effective and can be said anywhere. I also worked with a guy that would say God Bless America instead of Goddamn It – and, you know, it works!
    Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t use adult swear words too…

  17. Margie

    This is so funny, been laughing so hard my tummy hurts. Have finally decided that aside from the “F” bomb saying son-of-a-fucking-bitch feels pretty good too!

  18. vanessa joie

    Oh this made me laugh! I don’t want to sound like a prude but I don’t swear. I just don’t. But sometimes I want to and sometimes I think it would fun to just swear for funny. Actually I usually think it is funny listening to other people swear… as long as they aren’t swearing AT me. ;)
    What do I say instead? Usually something silly… like freak-a-leak!

  19. MaraRayanne

    You must have seen this already, but anytime I need a potty mouth fix, this is my favorite guilty pleasure.

  20. Lee

    Susannah, you really hit a nerve here!
    Count me among the swears in private – and with my husband crowd.
    Fuck is a favorite, as others have noted, it’s very satisfying.
    Cathy Zielske has been trying to encourage folks to try “DickLord” – it’s not bad.
    I also like alliterative strings such as “Holy Christmas crap on a crutch”!
    Here in the U.S. there have been certain politicians who have elicited “lying sacks of shit” from me. I usually sing it to the tune of “There’s a Tavern In the Town”, perhaps better known as “Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes”!
    As for the C word, on the very rare occasions when I use it, it is reserved for the absolutely lowest of the low. Which is ironic because in, well, intimate settings I find it perfectly acceptable!
    – Lee

  21. Crystal Heis

    This is what I say when I’m frustrated with something that isn’t working the way it’s supposed to, usually my car… “god-damned-fucking-piece-of-shit!” You have to run it all together as one word, but it will make me feel better every time.

  22. Nicole

    nice…the tears are drying on my cheeks…i occasionally use fuck in front of my mother (in context) and she’s ok, I try to control it in front of the little ones… my favourite is from my partner when I suggested moving to a nice little quiet country town to raise the children—his answer: ” i’m just not interested in packing up and moving us all out to the middle of bumfuck”.
    I also personally like For Fuck’s Sake, like in a particularly trying situation…

  23. The Cowgirl

    shit…and fuck…but mainly shit…it’s a pretty universal word and if slipped into an inappropriate setting does not hold as much stigma as fuck :)

  24. Nancy

    Boy, there’s a whole lot of cussin’ gong on! We teased an old friend who said ‘shit’ so much that it would be her daughter’s first word…and it was! As a one year old she dropped her bottle and with perfect inflection said,”Oh shit!” But the funniest one EVER was when my mom (who was known to swear) had this charmer fall out of her mouth…as my sister and I busted out of the front door holding back hysterical fits of laughter, we heard mom say “Well Christ on a bicycle!”
    All of these years later I still wonder what the #$%^(% THAT meant and where did she get THAT????

  25. aimee

    fanfuckingtastic is my favorite. how naughty of me to say that on my first visit here!

  26. Hannah

    hahaha loving “god damn fucking turkey neck”, that’s awesome!
    my most commonly used ones:
    BASTARDS!! (I’ve got to be really mad for that one)
    Bloody hell
    When my friend Duncan realises something’s gone wrong, he usually comes out with “Fuck! Bollocks! Cunt! Arse! TITWANK!!!!!!” which is quite amusing.

  27. Hannah

    Oh! And several of my friends use “cunt-flaps!” which honestly is bordering on the extreme, but what can I say, we’re music students…

  28. Tina Tierson

    I love this – I just found it today (July 16); don’t know how is missed it. When I’m really, really annoyed I say “shit, fuck, piss.” Never heard the turkey neck one, but I think I’m going to start using it today!!!

  29. Annie

    oh fuck yeah this is fabulous. thanks for resurrecting this post in your most recent post, i missed it in the winter.

    “oh fucking hell fuck” is probably my most common. i said it tonight when i accidentally ate fresh jalapenos that spread into my nose and eyes. fucking nightmare.

  30. erin

    i died of laughter when my husband called someone we know a pig fucker.
    ha! the lowest of the low
    and the guy totally is a pig fucker.

    oh.. my sailor mouth knows no limits. but fuck is said at LEAST once a day.

  31. Jenn | roots of she

    Eeeee! My first time seeing this post, oh damn! I cuss so
    much offline, but online, it feels like a huge no no. I remember I
    cussed on Facebook one time, not even a big deal cussword and one
    of my friends was so shocked. He was all OMG Jenn, it’s so weird
    when you cuss. I went to school with this guy, he knows I swear
    like a sailor, but whatevs. I just dropped $500 on car repairs this
    morning and oh boy did I drop a “mo-ther fuck-er” emphasis on the
    first syllable of each word. That’s my go-to for when some shit
    really goes down. Cuss words that live on stand-by include: dick,
    eg. Whatta dick. fuck, eg. Someone clearly needs to shut the fuck
    up. (STFU becomes one word) and bitch, eg. Oh ho! Someone put on
    his bitch pants this morning. (equal opportunity pants, and yes, I
    just said bitch!) Wheeee!

  32. Francesca

    The post that keeps giving! I swear in 3 languages,
    Italian, English, Hebrew and I try to swear every day in each one
    of them! What is life without swearing?!?!? E che cazzo!

  33. Marija

    I live in the Philippines and even though we do swear in
    English all the time (shit, fuck, fucker, motherfucker, fuck you,
    dammit, goddammit, ass, asshole, dickhead, slutcake) sometimes the
    Tagalog words do seem more profane: Putang ina mo (Your mother is a
    whore) of a shortened version of that (Tangina), Puñeta (no one
    knows what it means) or Tae (shit). When we were young we don’t
    know where it comes from and children swear a lot so when they
    fight they go like “Your father doesn’t have a dick.” of “Your
    mother fucks tricycle drivers.” Horrible, I know. But they get out
    of it one way or another. LOL.

  34. Alanna

    “Mofo” in public settings. “Mother fucker” in private. No offense to the mom’s it just has the right amount of syllabus.

  35. Alanna

    I meant syllables ;)

  36. Fabeku Fatunmise

    For me?

    Hands down: Fuck.

    No contest.

    I say it a lot. A lot. I say all the other words, too. But fuck is always top choice.

    I started swearing when I was 8 or 9. I was hanging around with older kids (who, by the way, bribed me to steal my mom’s cigarettes for them).

    They swore like crazy. So I picked it up + never looked back.

    I have three personal rules though:

    1. No swearing around my Mom (or other people’s parents)
    2. No swearing around older folks
    3. No swearing around kids

    Otherwise, it’s pretty much wide open.

  37. Rhianne

    ha, this and you are amazing!

    I swear so much at home and even more if I have a couple of drinks, its awful. I get told off by a lot of people haha. oh well.

    Favourites are definitely fuck and bollocks, especially if I’ve stubbed my toe!

  38. Nathan Briggs

    Cockwalrus, motherpumpkin, fuckityfuckfuckfuck, cunt, twat, fifflegobble, torywankface,bugger, shit, fuck, wank, arse, buggeritybuggerfuckshit and tits

  39. Meg Roper

    Being English “bollocks” does get trotted out regularly but occasionally only “klootzak” [klotezzak] will do. It is a word I picked up during my years of cycling to school in Antwerp. It literally means “you’re bag of bollocks” but in the local vernacular conjures up all the disdain you would associated with somebody who is several runs below the lowest form of pond life.

  40. Amy

    This is so fun… Mine is Fuck. Just fuck if something got messed up or I hurt myself doing something. What the fuck????? If something is just amazing me, Are you fucking kidding me? if I am astounded by something. Not lots of variations of the word, more about the way I say it in a sentence! I never use the “C” word… cunt, if I have to type it. It just seems so wrong, even if maybe there is one or two people who have been in my life that deserve it! Funny, I never cus when blogging or in front of my mother!

  41. Carol Nunan

    Mine are Fuckit and Bollocks!

    My teens and early twenties were spent in Ireland where it seems to be virtually impossible for anyone to speak without swearing and using the F word in every sentence at least once. There are softer version of Fuck though which are “Feck, Feckit, Feck Off and Fecker” also Gobshite, that’s a good one, very descriptive.

  42. Gerri

    What a fabulous thread… my vote goes to ‘wankstain’, never heard that before!

    My fave, apart from the usuals ‘fuck’ and ‘cunt’ yes same, for special occasions, one that just came out one day, outta the blue and it’s now my fave is ‘spunkytitwank’, sometimes one word ain’t enough. I still come out with new creations of words joined together to allow me to really exclaim whatever emotion needs venting :)å

  43. susannah

    OMFG! THAT is hilarious, Gerri :D

  44. Gem

    This thread is pure genius Susannah *chortles loudly on lunch break*

    I really rather enjoy using shit weasel, arse biscuits, crap sticks, for fucks sake, buggeration… I am sure that there are more that I’m not even aware of using too!

    My Mum uses – ‘shit-arseholes’ when something goes wrong. So say she dropped something, she’d say – Oh shit arseholes!

    It always makes me laugh as my folks never swore when I was growing up. Now that they are retired though, I think quite frankly, they don’t give a fuck! ;)

  45. Michelle

    Ok I am so adding to this list now almost 2 years after it’s original post. I don’t think this one has made the list yet – Cluster Fuck

    As in “this whole project/day/conversation is a cluster fuck”. I have loved reading these comments because there are so many good variations that seem to be UK driven that I have not heard before!

  46. Kathy

    I know, I’m a loser coming so late to the party, but I’m from Detroit, so to quote Aretha Franklin in the Blues Brothers, “Shit.”

  47. Lisa


    But I also like to use the term ‘Fuck Nugget’, usually to describe someone who’s just cut me up. And ‘Cunts’ for those rare few who park in disabled and parent/child spaces when they are not disabled and do not have a child with them (and are not collecting disabled people/children).

  48. catherine

    Shit – for when I have made a mistake
    Fucking hell!!!! – full on impatient & annoyed & frustrated
    What the fuck?! – when something happened…unbelievable, what the fuck?!
    Diu – means fuck in Cantonese – I swear in Cantonese at home and when I am back in Hong Kong LOL

  49. catherine

    also, bloody hell….

  50. mo

    general cuss word … fuck, wtf, shit, goddamn sonofabitch, jfc, sometimes several all together

    aimed at someone, usually online in a war game (don’t laugh, i beat those punk ass boys all the time, lol) … rat bastard, asswipe, asshole, douchebag, jerkbutt, the list is endless ;)

    now that i’ve written all this out, i’m getting a feeling that i should be going to confession or something. or not. nah, i’ll just take a nap til it goes away.


    Ok — My Mother would not be proud of this post — Not at all — I have a blog and I often think twice knowing she reads it – LoL – So here goes … Asshole is a favorite, Fuck seems to sum things up pretty well, Bullshit usuallly defines a certain situation well … I did not think I had a truck driver’s mouth until now … Off to confession – LoL ~Kristine

  52. BeCki

    Fuck is, of course, the best!

    I picked up “Fuck me!” (aid in delight) Or “Oh Fuck Me!” (said in exasperation) from a Czech girl I met in London last year. She said it often and unabashedly and I loved her for it.

    Also said in exasperation from me is “fuckin’ A” and I regularly use “douche” and “douchebag” to describe people. Cunt is the most difficult for me though!

  53. Tamsin

    I say bollocks or balls a lot…. or standard issue ‘fucking hell’

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