Naughty Words Wednesday

Naughty word Wednesday |


In real life I swear a lot. On the blog – rarely. In front of my mother? Never. It’s a respect thing – she doesn’t swear so i don’t swear in front of her. Because i love her (I love you, Mum – don’t read the comments on this post, okay?)

But back to real life – for today’s commenting experiment i thought it would be fun to let off some steam, plant a few f-bombs, let our hair down and break a few nicey nicey blog rules. So please answer the following question as creatively and colourfully as you want.

What’s your favourite swear word? I’ll go first…


Updated to add: I have been laughing all afternoon! This might be my favourite post ever. Check out the bad word dictionary (thanks Julie) and a video clip that always makes me chuckle.


153 responses
  1. sas

    fuck is the standard right?
    ash and i call each other arseface and wankstain (affectionately). ooo also cocksucker.
    occasionally cunt gets used (but i tend to save that one for special occasions).
    bullshit is also a favourite.

  2. jen downer

    fuck fuck fuck a million times fuck.
    when i really want to be shocking i’ll throw around the c word… CUNT (gasp!)

  3. Lisa

    mine is fuck too. But trying to keep things fresh here…

  4. jen downer

    oh and usually bad drivers get called an amalgamation of things like “ass fuck” “dick wad” etc

  5. Katharina

    well, I’m from Germany, and my favorite swear word is scheisse! (shit) and yeah – fuck!

  6. Susannah

    the scope for creativity is fabulous, isnt it
    Sas – wankstain is the winner, i think ;)

  7. furiousball

    chicken fucker

  8. Carrie

    i use so many! i mean, there’s fuck, fucknut, douche, douchenozzle, douchemonger, cockandballs, cockfarmer, cock-knocker, douchenut and . . . jerkstove.
    i use cockandballs quite frequently, but fuck is the old standby.

  9. doorways traveler

    fuck is good. but i prefer it with an “ing”, as an adjective.
    yes, sas wins for creativity.

  10. Susannah

    Furiousball – i love how SPECIFIC that is
    Carrie – douchenozzle – love it!

  11. Becky

    Hmm, I usually say bollocks or occasionally shit, but if its calling people names type swearing then wazzock and wankstain have been know to make an appearance too :o)

  12. Susannah

    LOL! Becky, youre killing me :)

  13. Leslie

    you know you can always get mr to chime in on THIS subject! Though there are SO many to choose from and so many golden classica already mentioned, here are mine…
    My old standby: fucktard
    My new favorite: dick hole
    And the variation: fuck hole
    love, Leslie

  14. Leslie

    oops, I meant “me”…HA why would I say “mr” GEEZ I mean (cough cough) aw, fuckhole…


    Most common I guess would be variants on ‘fuck’
    Fucking muppet would probably be the pick, usually directed at myself. As opposed to describing my favourite kind of pr0n.

  16. lunarmusings

    Fuck always feels good and its usually used when something goes wrong, but if someone frustrates me, and I’m in the middle of some crazed diatribe I’ll go all spanglish on them (usually Jon) and call him a ‘comemierda’ which is spanish for shit eater. LOL… its more affectionate then it sounds, but the inflection is critical because ‘comemierda’ can also be quite mean.

  17. Steph

    Oh blimey, you’re better than me if you manage to curb use at will. Mine just fly out of my mouth when I least expect them to. I was once left in the middle of my knitting class with a loud FUCKING left hanging in the air like a thundering cloud. NOT pretty.

  18. Rachel

    ‘I’m in Cunt Soup’ is a goodie, ‘what a load of ballsackery’…..’you fucking dickwad’…. think I’ll shut up now, mine are a bit extreme, all I can say in my defence is that my mum was a hardcore swearer, guess I’m just hardwired that way!!!

  19. Karen D

    Mother Fucker!
    You can say it when you are happy or mad it works either way ;-)

  20. janice Baer

    mother fucker for sure- i swear it will be my son’s first words- eek!
    i think i may have to borrow fucking muppet- that fits many an occasion.


    Fuck bugger bollocks usually does the trick – together or separately.
    I learnt my swearing at the feet of my parents, particularly in the car with my dad. Favourite memory is him being cut up, overtaking the cutter-upper and my mum shouting “cuuuuuunt” out the window as we passed.
    Even my grandfather said fuck on occasion. And I do try to be context-appropriate, lest I cause too much offence.
    Oh yes, also “fucknuts”.

  22. sleepygirl

    Gotta be fuck, shit, motherfucker, bitch, bitch-ass…this is fun! :-)

  23. Susannah

    Jake, the image of your mum shouting that out the window is making me laugh out LOUD :)

  24. victoria

    well, cocksucker kinda works well for me.
    but i reserve mother fuckers, for the evil rich society women who drop their overly fortunate children at the private school across the street, for their constant abuse of their very important horn honking.

  25. Brigitte

    Fuck and all its delicious variations takes the cake.
    My friend recently bought me a bag that says “I’m a crafty motherfucker.” She prefaced the gift by saying that she knows I love to swear and that I like crafts. And she’s right!

  26. Chris

    Oh, Fuck, definitely. It’s a verb, a noun, an adjective! It’s a brilliant word. My mother, bless her, got over my nasty mouth a long time ago. I don’t even think she notices anymore.

  27. Chrysso

    ‘cunt soup’ made me laugh SO much. Lately – p r i c k – has been making a comeback into my vocab! ck :) x

  28. Katherine

    Wankstain…never heard it, now love it, I will add a “fucking…” in front of it & start using it!
    Personally I go with “mother fucking cocksucker” for being the quickest to melt alleviate a burst of anger. Anything with “fucking…” in front of it becomes better.
    “Son-of-a-bitch” is also a popular one in my neck of the woods even for a non-directed explitive…like shit or damn.

  29. Theotherpete

    I’m not especially proud of this, but it’s got to be “mother fucker.” Two words. Mostly because it’s got a whole variety of delivery options – from the long lingering “mmmmooooother…” to the sharply whispered “motherfucker.” People in my office have learned to gauge just how bad the situation is by the particular variation they hear.
    I’m really trying to break myself of the habit, though, as I do harbor aspirations of being a middle school teacher.

  30. anna

    Fuck is perhaps the most perfect word of all time… appropriate in sooo many situations..good and bad :)
    I use it regularly, but like Susannah try very very hard to hold back when in the company of my Mother.
    I suspect I was a sailor in a former life, as my vocabulary seems to allude to that.
    Favorites: Fuck (and all variations) Cocksucker, Bitch, and the occasional Cock Sucking Mother Fucker when I’m particularly agitated.

  31. Susannah

    For the record: i love all of you :) im glad im not the only with a colourful vocab
    i should add that my current fave is ‘fucking bollocks’
    I say it easily ten times a day.

  32. Melissa

    Fuck of course…it just works in so many situations. fucking cocksucker is also one of my favs.

  33. stacy

    not as creative, but i am a fan of “fucking fuck” or “fracking frack” around the little ones and family members. xo

  34. ShelliO

    Fuckery. As in “Me thinks much fuckery is a foot.” That way I get the swearing urge satisfied but it sounds prettier when it’s almost iambic pentameter.

  35. lisa h.

    “horse shit”
    (I regularly read your blog, but I love that it takes something like this to get me to actually comment. Yeah, that’s me all over…)

  36. Ingrid

    i really like this post. like, really, really like.
    fucking awesome.
    (variants of ‘fuck’ seem to be winning, yes? it is such a satisfying word to say!)

  37. brittany

    ok….current fav = douchebag
    and a slightly PG fav = poodoggers
    fuckinghell is always a nice one as well.

  38. kristen

    fuck is far too common in my vocabulary… sentences often start with fucking…it’s bad because my daughter has heard me swear far too much.
    tool bag is also a favorite.

  39. Angie


  40. Shanon

    This is so funny! And yes, I’m the exact same Susannah, I swear all the time in real life, but I never ever swear online, in emails, or in any other written form. It’s sort of like if I say it out loud I can “hide the evidence” but having it written will leave it there for eternity. And of course, it’s all in the inflection. You need to HEAR me to take it the right way. ; )
    My words are Fucking, preferably with the “ing,” Douche, and Son of a Bitch. The SOB is really new. I think it’s come about because I keep yelling it at the men in Mad Men. =)
    By the way, I still remember the first time I said “darn.” As in the hierarchy of Dang, Darn, and Damn. It felt so shockingly good to my grade school brain that I knew I was on the slippery slope to Damn in no time!

  41. Shannon

    Motherfucker is an all time fave, though I prefer to refer to crap drivers as dumbass. If I’m feeling a bit anglophiliac then I pull out Bloody Hell. (It’s great because most people in the US don’t get that Bloody Hell=Fucking Hell anyway.)

  42. Willow81

    You can’t beat ‘fuck’ for versatility. DH and I affectionately refer to one another as Spunkhound (that’s me) and Dogshit (him). Wankstain has got to be a winner though Sas.

  43. Holly

    fuckity fuck fuck fucking fuck! Wahoo!!!
    8 )

  44. Jet Harrington

    Oh. Dear. Constant laughter… belly hurts.
    My uncle had a t-shirt that said, in several fonts, sizes, and directions, “fuck ____” with many options for things worth fucking, being fucked over, or fucked by: fuck this, that, bottle caps, the government, you, me, burnt toast, sales tax… you get the idea. I remember my mother being horrified the first time he wore it around us kids, but he did it so completely unapologetically that it was kind of charming.
    My youngest sister is the most creative person i know at cussing, and will occasionally roll down her window and scream strings of curses to the world, claiming temporary tourettes. My favourite: ballsack sandwiches.
    I’m not that creative: it’s usually a variation of fuck, and i’ve learned some new ones here, like… fuckery? I LOVE THAT.
    And in milder company, i will say shite, because i once heard my gracious Irish grandmother say it to great effect, and it stuck with me.
    Susannah, THANK YOU for this.

  45. Nancy Boland

    All of them? I have a mouth that could rival a sewer.
    Current favourites include; cocknose,knob and the always faithful fuck.
    Oh and twat. That one is particularly satisfying.

  46. Kylie

    im a big swearer in real life, not just a potty mouth, but sewer mouth. I manage to turn it off for the blog. around my mum. around my kids. my fav word is fuck. but my secret word that I use when im around others i don’t like to swear in front of is ‘buick’ gotta love made up words.

  47. Olivia Jeffries

    the household fave here is ‘cunty’ as in ‘thanks for cooking me a great meal, the wine is a bit cunty though’…
    i never thought of ever using the ‘c’ word until we moved into our current house. our (now ex) neighbors used it non-stop and we thought it was hilarious, they even called their children c’s – they really were the worlds worst neighbors!
    Also a good variant is using cunting instead of fucking…
    it’s cunting great!

  48. lisa

    I swear a lot in a few different languages too. Fuck is a favourite word. Mangkuk is another which means a bowl in Malay (perfectly innocent) but Cunt in Japanese. It makes me smug to cuss a shopkeeper/client/etc in malay or chinese while smiling sweetly and winking at him hahaha. But my favourite memory of swearing is having my dad being called to school (Iwent to a catholic school) when I was 9 for writing *fuck sister laura, give me a, fucking migraine* into a haiku :P

  49. lu

    Hmmm, currently mine is “un-fucking-believable.” Usually followed by a, “you must be out of your motherfucking mind” followed very closely by, “I can not believe this bullshit.”

  50. Brandy

    Loving this post!!
    Fuck is my standard go to.
    Fuck shit balls. When things really hit the fan.
    Douche bag(s), doucher(s)gets regular use in the car. Vancouver drivers are missing the part of their brains allowing for good driving sense.
    Cocksucking Motherfucker for old times sake. My dad broke that one out when my brother and I were kids, after something went wrong in the microwave. My brother and I lost our shit, tears streaming down our little faces; priceless moment.

  51. Lori Andrews

    here is a funny bad word link for you

  52. andrea d.

    fuck. or any combination of words with fuck in them :P

  53. Erica

    Fuck is my favorite swear.

  54. Lili

    I get a bit impatient when my temper rises to the point of needing to curse so mine tend to get strung together.
    motherfuckass. cockass. fuckingshitass.
    I guess “ass” is my word of choice. I never noticed it makes an appearance as often as it does!

  55. ~Kristina

    i echo the twat sentiment!!
    fuck is a standard.
    a personalized fav is jerkshit.

  56. michelle

    furiously frustrated? “goddamn motherfucking fucker”
    i also like “that sucks balls!”
    and since reading someone’s comments recently i’ve been playing around with just pure “balls!”
    i like it.
    did someone really say fuckball sandwiches? that’s great…

  57. Julie
    I can just imagine an 8 year old seeing this for the first time, simply dying to try the new words out on the playground the next day.
    I’ve lived on the Eastside of Detroit, 8 mile, so my favorite would have to be more profane than is polite to share here.. :)

  58. kat

    i use both fuck & shit equally
    but in the car if someone pisses me off i call them a dick

  59. Christine

    I am very much a private swear-er. I bet most of my friends/family have never heard me use naughty words! But I do, in my head, or when I’m alone. Not sure why I hold back… both my parents swore when the occasion warranted it (never my fault of course!!!).
    Variants of fuck are by far the most satisfying. I think living in catholic-Quebec has had an impact because I find myself muttering things like “Jesus mother-fucking christ!” a lot more than I ever used to.
    Sometimes, when I am not alone, things like “Mother… of… Pearl.” (said quite slowly, with frustration) come out instead. Who knows where that came from!?

  60. cathi boerio

    My daughter was out of town working–called me to talk—said fuck in the conversation. Her friend who was with her was appalled that she would say fuck to her mom. Morgan said, “who do you think i learned it from”!! So, yes, fuck is definitely the one!!!

  61. Lesley

    Has to be bollocks! It just slips out without me realising sometimes ;-)

  62. Lisa

    HA! Oh my – what a brilliant idea. I have so many more words in my vocabulary right now (none of which are household appropriate or hubby-approved!) I’m just like you – would curse like a sailor if on my own island but quite reserved around others.
    The good ole’ standby, shit, usually works (a loud quick SHIT or the drawn out shiiiiiit).
    And oddly, fuckaduck – no idea where I picked that up, and by no means am I advocating the actual idea, but it rolls off the toungue quite easy in more light-hearted situations where a “fuck” isn’t quite necessary but some tangy language is called for. :)
    Susannah – you are awesome.

  63. jane

    oooo i love to swear
    definitely FUCK! It has so much gumption and grunt behind it!
    i often say fuck fuckedy fuck fuck fuck
    my Dad says Snotgobblingpooparseshit whenever he cuts himself and my girls think that is hilariou
    i lost count of how many times my mouth was washed out as a child and did it help?
    no it fucking didn’t


    Fuck, Damn, Shit… all variations there of and often combined. Most of them directed at my cat when he tries to pull my plants down off the window sill and I chase him around the house shouting, “Damn you little fucking piece of shit!”

  65. Traci Post

    Son. Of. A. BITCH! Said just like that, it’s deeply satisfying.
    Fuckfuckingfuck and douche crop up quite a bit too. Oh, and come stain, which is horrible and slighly embarassing, even in this open exchange!

  66. angie

    fuck and its many variations…. I like it because it is a multi-tasker. It’s a noun, a verb, and can be used as an adjective and adverb!
    I once had a conversation with a friend who was just shocked when women used the “f-word”. I explained that the shock value of the word was gone for me personally, because I had heard the many variations of it strung through-out sentence after sentence.

  67. Grace

    Hahaha. I have to say I love this post! (Because I too swear often in real life…. and hardly ever in blogworld….)
    My husband and I like to just make shit up as we go along through the day because as wonderful as FUCK, or SON OF A BITCH are to use sometimes… it just doesn’t do to keep saying the same things over and over again.
    So, some of our recent favs would have to be:
    FURK (FUrry JeRK)
    Turd Nugget
    Little Shittle
    …and the absurdity will go on and on…. Lol.

  68. Grace

    …..and my husband wanted me to add:
    Whiskey Tits
    Monkey Nuts

  69. Meghan Rachelle

    Mother fucker
    Fucking horseshit
    Cumguzzler (courtesy of a friend who was in the Marines)
    Penis wrinkle (this works best if it is shouted, especially from a rooftop)
    My best friend used to let loose (in another language) by saying the following in quick succession:
    Fuck, Fucking balls, Cocksucker!, Motherfucker
    Or you could go with George Carlin’s classic routine, The Seven Words You Can’t Say on TV:
    “Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits”

  70. Stefanie

    Fuck is my favorite.
    Here are some old fashioned swiss swear words:

  71. em

    I am using Douche-canoe a lot these days. It conveys exactly what I am trying to say!
    But I try not to swear so much – mostly so i can take the moral high ground around my potty mouthed boyfriend! hehe.

  72. Meghan Rachelle

    Wow, I can’t believe I just wrote all that. I feel so dirty.

  73. Rachel B.

    Reading these comments has me in tears!! I think I’d have to say “God Damn It” is what I say the most- and sadly, I have 4 kids that have said it at least once when they were around two years old and just putting sentences together- my daughter liked to say, the goddamn cat!! my other daughter would say things like, give me my goddamned juice cup! at least they used it correctly. and the other one is “stupid fuck” and that can pertain to humans, animals, or inanimate objects, depending on my mood.

  74. rel

    Geezus, Fuck shouldn’t even be considered a swear word anymore. It’s so fucking common in everyday usage now, WTF everybody uses it. Myself, I rarely swear or use foul language; unless I open my mouth. I remember when my favorite comedian, George Carlin came out with the 7 words you can’t say on TV: Shit, Fuck,Piss Cunt, Cocksuker, Motherfucker, and Tits. Are you fucking kidding me, I memorized those seven words instantly. Now I had an excuse to swear in public, like you know; “hey Becky, do you know the seven words you can’t say on TV?” No? Oh well then let me relate them for you. ;)
    Even though fuck is really most favorite word, I suggest we remove it from the swear word list. Susannah, let’s have a contest to come up with a word to replace the word fuck.

  75. Susannah

    So true, Rel! My vote has to be for wankstain

  76. Monica

    Your post was just what I needed as I sit here in cubical hell.
    Fuck is a fabulous word and can be used in so many ways, my current favorites are fuck pot, fuck-o, and fuck stick. When we were stressed, my friend and I would play what we called the string of expletives game which was screaming a string of swear words which always ended up with us laughing our asses off.

  77. Stephanie W.

    ahhh, the joy of the fuck! ;)
    a few of my faves:
    FUCKING FUCK (as in, “fucking fuck, i just stubbed my toe…again!”)
    FUCKIN’ SHIT (as in, “fuckin’ shit, not another parking ticket”)
    GOD DAMN FUCKING TURKEY NECK (as in, “did you really just pull out in front of me you god damn fucking turkey neck?”)
    DOUCHE NOZZLE (as in, “you’re so horrible, you’re not even good enough to be the bag, you fucking douche nozzle”)
    Wow! Felt good, even just typing them out!
    Great post Susannah. :)

  78. charlane

    i like the f word….it can be colored my so many emotions and used almost any time and on any occasion.
    unfortunately i get censored a lot so i use sugar in it’s place. LOL

  79. Nadine

    Ass hat is my usual one. I work with kids so I have other words that I use in place of the F bomb…
    Crumb cakes
    Sugar lump
    You know those kinds of things.

  80. darlene

    i once took a boyfriend home from the city to my parents house and in the wee hours he was out talking to my grandfather who lived next door. he came in all bright eyed and awed and said to me, your grandfather said ‘cocksucker’ and its not even noon yet !! ;-) that’s my family in a nutshell and yups me too … cocksucker and mutherfucker are up there with shitballs and i if i’m really in a miff, its cocksucking mutherfucking shitballs. oh my. :-)

  81. tammie

    ooooh, so fun!
    fuckin’ hell is my go-to.

  82. cindy

    my first word was shit…it is my mom and grandmothers swear word of choice.
    my word of choice is fuck…it just comes out.

  83. barbara

    mine are in spanish, here they are:
    mierda, cabron, hijo de puta, joder…

  84. eliz needham

    let’s face it “fuck” is the full word; it works as a :
    noun (eg: fucker, fuck face)
    verb, (fuck me–actually–that is an exclamation–fuck me!!–this shirt is a steal! –I haven’t had the opportunity to use it in its interrogative form for a awhile: “fuck me? “.
    adjective: isn’t suzanne’s post fucking amazing!!
    adverb: she performed fuckingly well..
    standby-swears include: shit, shitballs, bloody hell, christ, jesus, bitch (but I only call myself that!); ass, asshole (used mostly when driving) prick, dick and to end on a pg note: dink.

  85. beth

    without a doubt….fuck is the favorite !
    and when things drive me crazy or there’s a big mess of some kind……it’s a cluster fuck !
    and then there’s oh fuckin A……
    gosh we are potty mouthed aren’t we ?

  86. Mel

    I am so fucking loving this post! I do like to say fuck a lot, but I don’t think it’s terribly appreciated most of the time. Although reading this … maybe I’m wrong!
    There are some people I would love to call tossbag or jerkwad. To their face. But, I won’t. Not conducive to work relations. :)
    Thank you Susannah – needed this today!

  87. Mindy

    Have you met Teri?
    birds of a feather I’d say :)
    it’s either shit or fuck for me… But I say it loudly and with feeling! And so has my 6 year old son unfortunately. Hmmm maybe I swear too much.

  88. Rainey

    Funniest post and comments ever! It is nice to know I’m not the only “classy chick” with a potty mouth.
    Although I can use a cuss word correctly, I find now that I am sorely lacking in creativitiy! Thank you all for some great ideas!
    My all time favorite is “sonofabitch” although I also use “cluster fuck and hell” regularly. Hell was my son’s first swear word at a family Christmas … oops!
    Thank you for a(nother) great post!

  89. Kim

    OK, I usually use this as one word, because it streams out as such – goddammbloodymutherfuckin’
    ha! Oooh, I do feel naughty!

  90. Kim

    Oh yeah, just remembered, when I want to be polite I say – fuckity-fuck.

  91. Pam

    Fuck me to tears, this post is great!

  92. Christine

    I would have to say dick brain is one of my favs…..however, fuck is so utterly appropriate in almost all situations.
    A real classic!

  93. thu

    this post is hilarious.. i swear like a truck driver too.. i think i use mother fucker way too often.. once in front of my mother.. she gave me the LOOK.. even at age 30, i got scared of the LOOK..

  94. Catherine Just

    mine is: fucking cunt
    ahhh that felt good to type it.
    my husband likes to say: for fuck’s sake

  95. Catherine Just

    p.s. it’s my son’s first birthday and I keep telling myself I need to stop the cussing. obviously I jumped at the chance to share my cuss word here. Guess I won’t stop cussing any time soon!
    If I can’t say it – I’ll TYPE it!
    fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

  96. Verne

    Bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks BOLLLLLLOCKS!!!!!!!
    Or when I’m driving… Euuuuuggghhhhh you wanker!!!!!

  97. Amanda

    I have to had to get out of the habit of swearing as living on London people don’t seem to accept swearing in general conversation as that do in Australia. I was one to swaer quite a bit now it is only for home and my words usually are fuck, motherfucker, and cock-knocker….. four laughs when people are spinning crap bullshit and with a brad australian accent.
    I did mt toned down swearing at work and said blloody idiot that still didn’t go down to well. As well as the other Australian favourite that I have had to loose bugger.

  98. Steph

    Well, well, I return to this thread after the night-time contributions and it’s evident that FUCK wins hands, feet and faces down. It’s just so bloody versatile! And we all knew, but we needed a place to be able to express our appreciation! So, thanks Sus, bet you’re glad you started…!

  99. suzie

    just like Olivia, I love to put cunty or cunting in front of every swear word. The worst people are cuntybollocks people.
    Here in France we use putain or pute a lot too :D
    Love this post, I’ve been lurking for so long, and now I’m out of the cunting closet. Woohoo!!

  100. Kristin

    when it’s real bad, I’ll go for “helvetes jävla fan!!!” which means something like … ehm … the devil’s devil’s hell … or something like that. :) I read once that almost all the Swedish swear words have something to do with hell. Don’t know what that’s saying about us :)

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