These photos crack my heart wide open to reveal the melty centre inside; Mr Wobble Head has turned me into a chocolate liqueur. I’ve been in the auntie club for all of a month and a half, but already things have changed. I have held little babies before and basked in the love-vibes they emanate, the ones that makes you want to protect them at all costs. But with Noah it feels different. After only three days with him last weekend I am completely and utterly head-over-heels in love with this little guy, to the point where I’ve felt sad all week because I wasn’t able to see him. Every time I spoke to my sister on the phone I felt tearful. WTF?
I’ll share a shameful secret with you: when my sister was pregnant i was scared that i would lose her, that she would be pulled into the land of motherhood and i, her single childless sister, would be left behind; Abby is the closest person to me in the whole world, and the thought of losing her was an agony i carried quietly and worriedly. After the euphoria of the birth came the emotional crash of the day after, but as Abby has found her way so have I. Our paths may be looking radically different right now, but we still, happily, share our singular sister brain cell.
I haven’t read any books about being an auntie so i didn’t know what to expect. I mean, how hard can it be? I’ve had wonderfully close relationships with friends’ kids, so surely it would be like that. But what i’ve discovered, during my first tentative steps into auntiehood, is that this time it’s different. He is family. He is a part of my sister, and because she is a part of me then he is a part of me too… it’s a big mush of family connection, and I love it. Noah looks uncannily like I did as a baby; there was a moment last weekend when i was holding him and looked at his tiny face and just completely recognised him. It was weird and beautiful, strange and bonding.
Did i mention his cute little fuzzy head?
This feeling – this in-love-ness – will grow and change as he grows and changes, and I’m looking forward to being there for him every step of the way. What’s even more interesting is that I don’t feel broody at all; rather, I just feel attached to HIM. I’m not swooning and wishing I had my own baby in my arms; i simply want to protect him and love him and make him happy. Mr Wobble Head. Little Noah Bear. My nephew.
See? I’ve fallen in love.
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In other news, while my heart has been exploding with love for MWH, my brain has been doing some exploding of its own. Thank you so much for all the feedback on the workshops – i can barely write fast enough to get all my ideas and plans down. I’m cooking up some magic for you!