The book is about unravelling, and that is exactly what i am doing: unravelling the words, ideas, memories, theories. Unravelling the fear that I can’t do this, the worry that it’s too much; the responsibility to pen something of value; my seeming inability to just get out of my own way and trust that the job will be done. The nightmares are back; you’d see a rainbow if you scanned my brain these days, there’s so much activity going on.
The voice is becoming clearer and stronger, however, so I plod on and hope for the best. I had a moment this morning where I laughed out loud at myself, sitting there fretting about writing words down. I mean, could it be any more ridiculous? Writing words down! Stringing words together into sentences. How hard can it be?
I have moments when i wish I still smoked.