What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
I’ve been trying to let go of expectations and shoulds because it’s apparent with every day I live that they do. not. serve. me. They make me distracted and dotty, trying to live up to what i think should be happening. What I should be doing. Where I should live. What I should have achieved by now.
What my body should look like. Hoo boy, that’s a big one.
Letting go of the shoulds is a daily practice, a minute-by-minute task I try to remember to do; some days are easier than others, depending on the hormonal winds blowing through my veins. For example, this weekend I was writing fluently, seeing my family, floating around my flat feeling on top of my game. Today, however, I am ready to jump out the window and end it all. I am sick of my own miserable company and have been self-medicating with coffee and toasted tea cakes since I woke up. No writing done, feeling like I’ve let myself down, cowering as the shoulds gleefully beat me with a stick. Hormones and stress are a horrible mix.
I know there will never be a point when I’m so zenned out with everything and everyone I never have another worry; hormones will rage, deadlines will loom, nephews will grow, food will go bad in the fridge — it’s just life. And as much as I embrace my glorious imperfection, I’ll still have days like today, when i hate dislike myself intensely; and when they come round I just have to lean into them, try to let go of the shoulds, and make it through to bedtime.
That is enough for one day.