Six years of bean spilling

On this day, six years ago, I sat at my computer and wrote my very first blog post. I remember doing it so clearly. It was a time in my life when I was still smoking, still drinking too much wine, still grieving. It’s one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It started all of this…

For the last six weeks I’ve been teaching Blogging from the Heart, and as I’ve encouraged my wonderful students to share more and more of themselves on their blogs, I’ve been feeling the urge to do the same. That was how I started on April 12th 2006 with a basic Blogger blog and the desire to share. So much of my healing work has happened in this space, sharing my thoughts and feelings as I figured out how to navigate a world that had changed beyond all recognition. And i remember thinking how much “easier” life would be once I’d “moved through” my grief, not knowing that that was just the beginning. That’s why I bang on about unravelling being a lifelong thing we do — peeling back the layers, growing new ones, enriching our understanding of ourselves and our lives. There is always more to learn and experience. New loves to find, old loves to kiss goodbye. Discoveries to be made alone and in relationship with others. The past to excavate. The future to manifest.

It’s the fourth month of the year and I’m discovering if you put a request out to the universe you will get opportunities to test exactly how brave you really are. Things will happen to prepare you for what’s coming down the line. There’s some strange kind of magic happening that first started back when Noah was born. I can feel it around me and it’s uncomfortable at times, but I also know I asked for this. For growth and change. For forward movement. For more.

I’ve been released from my cocoon and now I’m ready for the next adventure. I’m going out every morning to walk round the park, coming home sweaty to lift weights and do stretches. I’m driving better and more confidently with every lesson — I don’t even recogise myself these days. I feel like a tween, stuck in that in-between stage of the before and after, knowing I am about to fly and impatient for my wings to dry.

I keep telling myself it’s all to play for, and then I look for where I left my invisible crown. Damn thing keeps falling off.

Thank you for accompanying me on this ride for the last six years. This space means more to me than I can put into words.


36 responses
  1. Jill

    Yay! Today, I am celebrating the gift this blog, your writing and photos and sometimes poetry and videos, your classes and books, your kindness and wit and willingness to be vulnerable is to me.

    And this line, “stuck in that in-between stage of the before and after, knowing I am about to fly and impatient for my wings to dry” is exactly where I am–thank you for describing this moment so beautifully.

  2. elizabeth

    we’re all in this together— and I LOVE being in it with you. xoxoxox, e

  3. Amanda @ Click. The Good News

    Congrats on the blog anniversary! Your invisible crown looks radiant on you and matches your magic cape. Thanks for all the beauty and truth you’ve brought into the world over the last 6 years :)

  4. Eadaoin

    Congratulations on reading six years Susannah, what a beautiful post you’ve written to mark it. I’m glad that you’ve found healing here, blogging has a wonderful way of helping us to release and explore. It’s quite a feat that not only have you travelled your own healing journey here, but you’ve brought so many others along with you, through your words and courses you’ve inspired others towards their own healing and helped them along the way. I hope that whatever it is that you’re sensing around the corner is wonderful, it sounds like you’re gearing up for something amazing and I wish you all the best in it and in future years of blogging x

  5. Lis

    Happy Anniversary Love! I know my world is brighter and richer because of your words, your images, your presence. So much gratitude for all that you so lovingly and fearlessly share with us – may you always have beans to spill! xo

  6. Fiona

    Happy birthday to your space.. and to me! You started your blog on my 18th birthday, which is just mind-twisting for me. That we both ended up where we are is something that was out of my understanding at that stage. It makes me feel special this connection with your space, which probably sounds crazy, but there you are. Here’s hoping the next six years bring dreams to us both.
    xo fiona.

  7. Gerri

    Happy Blog-Anniversary Sweets! So glad you took the leap six years ago. You’ve touched a lot of lives! Here’s to many many more lovely adventures…cheers!! xo

  8. Jessica

    Thank you, thank you for writing that first blog post. I know it started out being just for you, but you’re ability to put words to the deepest and most human thoughts and feelings has been a huge help in my personal journey. I relate when you said:

    “I don’t even recogise myself these days. I feel like a tween, stuck in that in-between stage of the before and after, knowing I am about to fly and impatient for my wings to dry.”

    Thank you for helping me not feel so alone. You are one of the best and bravest people I know :)

    xo – jessica

  9. sas

    i love you xxx

  10. Carrie

    Thank YOU Susannah for sharing your gifts with us…your beautiful photography, your inspiring words, and your overall loveliness. Always such a treat to find one of your posts in my mailbox. ;)

  11. Christian

    Oh I admire your writing! I wish I could put my feelings into words like this. It would help me a lot with letting out my feelings.

  12. Angela

    My birthday is on Monday. Attendance to your Photo Meditations course was a birthday gift. :)

    I found your blog in 2007 – October – but ended up losing track of it again. I was a lurker on a group of blogs of people working together through things like The Artist’s Way, or Finding Water. Too shy to join in, although I did start a blog that I ended up making private. I wish I’d joined in at the time; I think it would have helped me.

  13. Angela

    Oops. *My birthday is on Saturday.

  14. Vanessa

    and it’s been such a joy to witness it all, su. thank you for always finding the way to share.

  15. Maria

    Hi, Susannah! Do you know that this very day, 12th of April, the first human space flight happened? That man perhaps would be the first to understand your feelings six years ago. :-) You’ve made a great job in your garden, so let me wish you the most beautiful flowers to come this spring. Keep my fingers crossed for you.

  16. michelle gd

    so glad you began your journey here six years ago and are still going strong. that invisible crown will never fall far from the head of its rightful owner; you sparkle whether it’s atop your head or temporarily resting at your feet. keep shining, dear soul…

  17. Marcela

    Congratulations! I raise my glass to past, present and future!

  18. jojo

    happy anni !! you are a wise teacher and continuously brave and inspiring!!

  19. jane/faerian

    you shiny courageous beautiful treasure – thank you for having the courage to start 6 years ago and the courage to keep going… so very very glad to have found you <3

  20. Laura Fragiacomo

    that is so wonderful!! I don’t usually comment on your posts, but I love reading them, they are inspiring and honest. I hope you will run your blogging course again soon… xx

  21. Cecilia

    6 years – wow. thanks for baring so much of yourself in this space. it’s really an inspiration.

  22. Kristin Noelle

    Raising my glass to you and all you’ve gifted and continue to gift us with. *Thank you*

  23. Rachel Saldana

    I always love reading what you write susannah. Thanks for being in this space these past six years. here’s to many many more!

  24. kelly

    I just recently found you, and I’m so glad that I did. Your words inspire me, and I see a little bit (a lot) of myself in them too. Happy 6 Years!!

  25. Christina Rosalie

    Heart you. So glad you’re in this world. You are already flying :)

  26. Zarina Ávila

    Congratulation!! I will wait at least 6 years more of your post!!

  27. Roxanne Galpin

    You have been such a gift to so many …

  28. Bea

    Thank you, Susannah of six years ago. I wonder if you knew somewhere inside just what would unfold from the small but mighty act of claiming your own little corner of the big, bad Interwebs and telling your story one entry at a time. You have healed so many of us since then just by being you, out loud, in the world. ‘Gratitude’ doesn’t begin to describe how deeply I value everything you’ve taught me out here in 2012 Land. Thank you, over and over again, for opening your heart and lighting the way. Thank you for sticking at it, for showing up even when it sucked, and for working your arse off to help others find a way through confusion and pain. Here’s to many more six-o-versaries of awesome.

  29. Melissa Jaine

    “I’m discovering if you put a request out to the universe you will get opportunities to test exactly how brave you really are. Things will happen to prepare you for what’s coming down the line.”

    Cannot even begin to think of the words to express how much I love this.
    big love gorgeous one

  30. nicky linzey

    Susannah, you are so inspiring in the way you write, often showing your vulnerable side. Something I admire as I find it virtually impossible to do. Congratulations on your anniversary and thank you for being so open about the good and the bad, it both encourages me and makes me realise I’m not alone.

  31. Alicia

    Oh what a great post! I am excited for you as well!! You are going to fly soon!!

  32. Melissa

    Congrats-and thank you for sharing your journey, and your new found bravery.

  33. Katherine

    Oh, you dear sweet girl! Congrats and thanks for your honesty, bravery, inspiration and love. You are a blessing in my life. What a gem you are!
    There is so much more to come that will warm your heart and fill you up with all of the goodness, happiness and well-being you deserve. With so much love to you and that beautiful invisible crown!!

  34. Jess Greene

    It has been inspirational to read your blog all these years. So much has changed since the Ink On My Fingers days. Still loving your words and photos. Keep inspiring!

  35. Vera b

    Thanks for sharing Your life with us. Keep sharing, keep growing, we are here. x

  36. Kathryn

    a belated happy anniversary :)

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