I’m in such an in-between place at the moment. I sense enormous change coming down the wires, but it’s not here yet, and it’s all I can do not to set my house on fire. I’d love to be one of those authors who confidently promotes her book with a camera-worthy smile and a word-perfect elevator pitch, but the truth is I’m feeling extremely nervous. And exposed. Pre-ordered books have started to go out, and last week I had my first sleepless night, my heart racing despite my best attempts to calm down. I honestly hadn’t realised I was this nervous. I try to shrug it off, but it doesn’t work.
I’m pulling together my plans for the tour but most of the time I haven’t a clue what I’m doing, so I just make it up as i go along. I’ll be out of the country for a month and it would be great if I could just GET ON THE PLANE ALREADY because the anticipation is killing me. I’m excited to meet everyone on the tour, at the Creative Joy retreat, at the World Domination Summit… and I’m praying my visa comes through in time.
And then there’s the other stuff, the private stuff I don’t feel comfortable sharing here. And that’s a first for me, having spent the last six years spilling my guts all over the internet. Suffice it to say I’m very tempted to start an anonymous dating blog.
I’ve spent the last 3.5 years building my business and shaping my dreams. I postponed having a social life so I could sink deeper into writing the book. And now? Now I suddenly want to be as far away from my laptop as I can possibly be. I want to LIVE, out loud, out in the world. This has been building over the last six months or so and now I can’t push it back down.
I don’t want to push it back down.
I’ve out-grown this life, this flat, this city, and all the previous expectations I had and I’m craving the challenge of the new and unexplored. But right now it’s a waiting game, and it’s making me a little nuts.
So, yes, lots of change coming. Lots of new ways of being. Lots of plans. Lots of fears. Lots of discomfort.
And, luckily, lots of blind hope, too.