Preparing to fly

I’m in such an in-between place at the moment. I sense enormous change coming down the wires, but it’s not here yet, and it’s all I can do not to set my house on fire. I’d love to be one of those authors who confidently promotes her book with a camera-worthy smile and a word-perfect elevator pitch, but the truth is I’m feeling extremely nervous. And exposed. Pre-ordered books have started to go out, and last week I had my first sleepless night, my heart racing despite my best attempts to calm down. I honestly hadn’t realised I was this nervous. I try to shrug it off, but it doesn’t work.

I’m pulling together my plans for the tour but most of the time I haven’t a clue what I’m doing, so I just make it up as i go along. I’ll be out of the country for a month and it would be great if I could just GET ON THE PLANE ALREADY because the anticipation is killing me. I’m excited to meet everyone on the tour, at the Creative Joy retreat, at the World Domination Summit… and I’m praying my visa comes through in time.

And then there’s the other stuff, the private stuff I don’t feel comfortable sharing here. And that’s a first for me, having spent the last six years spilling my guts all over the internet. Suffice it to say I’m very tempted to start an anonymous dating blog.

I’ve spent the last 3.5 years building my business and shaping my dreams. I postponed having a social life so I could sink deeper into writing the book. And now? Now I suddenly want to be as far away from my laptop as I can possibly be. I want to LIVE, out loud, out in the world. This has been building over the last six months or so and now I can’t push it back down.

I don’t want to push it back down.

I’ve out-grown this life, this flat, this city, and all the previous expectations I had and I’m craving the challenge of the new and unexplored. But right now it’s a waiting game, and it’s making me a little nuts.

So, yes, lots of change coming. Lots of new ways of being. Lots of plans. Lots of fears. Lots of discomfort.

And, luckily, lots of blind hope, too.

37 responses
  1. Hannah Marcotti

    The new and unexplored. I can only imagine the magic.

  2. Heather

    People are going to love your book and they will love you! Follow that whisper in your soul and live out loud!

  3. Andrea


  4. Nanette Gordon-Cramton

    So excited to follow you along into the next chapter of your journey, Susannah! xo

  5. Fiona

    Go fly! We’ll wait. And sending the strongest dating vibes I can muster.

  6. Nicola

    How exciting. Since I discovered your blog I look forward to reading it every day and get withdrawal when you don’t post for a few days. I loved your Unravelling course and iso have hundreds of other people. I can’t wait for my copy of the book to arrive. It will be a huge success and everyone who reads your blog and knows your courses will be looking forward to meeting you. I wish I could come to the Creative Joy Retreat which sounds amazing. Whatever comes after that will be wonderful. Just like you. Hope to meet you one day. Hugs xxx

  7. Tina Tierson

    Dearest Susannah – You are in exactly the place you are meant to be!! Discomfort is the precursor to wonderful new things and I’m excited for you! You’re just shaking out your wings and getting ready to fly!! I can’t wait to meet you when you’re in Portland and give you a huge hug! And don’t forget, I’m bringing the cupcakes!! Chocolate or vanilla? Much, much love! xoxo

    PS – The right man is out there for you. The good stuff is well worth waiting for and now you’re truly ready!! Huzzzzah!

  8. Jill

    Those opening lines capture perfectly that feeling of in-between and ready to move on, especially ending with “it’s all I can do not to set my house on fire.”

    Just remember: most of the people you’ll meet on your book tour are coming because, have bought your books (taken your classes, read your blog, enjoyed your photographs, etc.) because they already adore you, and not in a fake you could somehow ruin it with something you say or do in person kind of way, but with complete kindness and appreciation, all of us cheering you on and wanting the very best for you.

    Or, maybe that’s just me :)

  9. Amanda @ Click. The Good News

    What a wonderful, exciting, and fabulous place to be at in life! Soak it up!!!

    I can’t wait to meet you at the retreat- I’m so excited, it will be my first retreat.

  10. ~Kristina

    I can’t wait to see what this next flight delivers for you.
    AND! Preorders are shipping. I squeeled.

  11. Frances B

    I am so happy and excited for you. Are you still going to have updates while you’re there? I wish you the best and I hope you rock it. Will wait for your book!

    Thanks for sharing!


  12. Emily

    I am in a similar in-between state right now, thinking about packing but it’s too soon to start, going through my things but not yet feeling the real push (terror) that comes from a quickly approaching move. And yet I have exciting things coming in just a few months. Only a few more weeks at my job, which has been getting me down for a long time. I so identify with feeling like you’ve outgrown this life. And it’s knowing that that will push you forward to the next thing.

    As far as the book, I can count myself among one of the early pre-orderers. I like what’s here so much that I’m sure the book will be a welcome, lovely surprise.

  13. louisa

    I know so many people; friends, acquaintances going through exactly this ‘in between time’ at the moment, including me. Seems like there is a fork in the road and I am trying to read the two signs, weight up the alternatives and walk forward, it seems unbearably momentous.

    good luck and my thoughts are with you,

  14. Stacy

    If you find yourself in Philly during your trip here and need a place to stay, please let me know. And I’m sending all sorts of positive energy your way.

  15. brooke

    You’re in a rich and also frustrating time! Patience is so difficult to manage, I find, when things are starting to build up. Enjoy every moment of where you are. :) xo Best of luck with it all ~ I’m sure you’ll navigate everything wonderfully.

  16. Angie

    I can taste the anticipation!

  17. jane/faerian

    Beautiful Susannah – i hear how nerve wracking it is for you but just know people who come are there because they are reflecting the love and tenderness and joy you put out in the world, because they want to show you some love after all the goodness you have given them… they want to be with you and say thank you – it is a thank you tour! As for wanting to be away from the laptop, as much as i love you and love reading your posts i so want you to take the chance to live BIG and receive some hands on (phwooor) love … you have a chance to mine a new seam of gold… and you so richly deserve it… <3 <3 <3

  18. Margarita

    Susannah, thank you for always being so honest with us and sharing what’s on your mind (and heart). I’m super excited for you. And I can’t wait to read your books (I know I’ll love them) — and finally get to meet you at the retreat!

    If you decide to start writing that anonymous dating blog, please let us know. Hehe. :)

  19. Margarita

    Oh, and I wanted to add that I can understand why you’d be nervous/excited. But please know that you’ve made a big positive difference in many people’s lives — and the book tour and everything else will be wonderful!

  20. scamp (aka Shirley)

    I am excited for you. It may sound silly, but I love watching the magic work for others almost as much as I love observing it in my own life. Yours has been an inspirational journey that has touched so many!
    So looking forward to seeing you at Creative Joy, and hoping that you’ll be book touring in NYC the week after…

  21. kelly

    Will you be posting book tour details? My daughter and I are planning a trip to POrtland in June and I’m hoping that’s when you are there.

    I feel like my B-day wish for you 2 (?!) years ago is starting to come true and that makes me very happy. (My word for your bday wish was Romance)

  22. Lauren Tober

    Yay for you Susannah! Fly fly fly!

  23. Roxanne Galpin

    What an exciting place to be in!!

  24. Maria

    Know that feeling so well ;) Think your word for this year was BRAVE wasn’t it…I am sure you will take on this challenge and the world will meet you with smiles. I go by “It will all be fine” and “no worries”. Girl power to you from me.
    Ps.: I am sure you will find love out there, away from the known. Be brave

  25. susannah

    I remember :)

    I’ll be in Portland in July — book event is on the 9th xx

  26. Rhianne

    I am so excited for you Susannah!

  27. Christianne

    I hate the awkwardness of this place for you, but I also love what it means: you are on the cusp of exciting, big change, and it sounds like you are so very ready to embrace it.

    In spirituality circles, we call this in-between place “liminal space.” And most people in the liminality really, really hate it. You are in good company in that regard!

    I really can’t wait to receive your book in the mail. It will feel like getting time with your heart, mind, and photographs for all kinds of uninterrupted space. It’s like getting 100 blog posts from you instead of having to wait for the next one to be posted. Pretty blissful, if you ask me.


  28. Stephinie

    I *love* this. It made me smile. Especially since I got a message this morning that said “your book is shipping sooner than expected”…. You’ve brought something so honest and beautiful into the world. Truly. I’ve been sharing the unravelling videos with my 13 year old daughter and today she said “you know mom, she’s a good person. you can just see it.” I couldn’t agree more. Best of luck to you as your life opens up in this new way….

  29. susannah

    huge hugs to you both!!

  30. susannah

    thank you, honey :)

  31. susannah

    some hands-on love would be welcome ;-)

  32. Kerstin

    We never met, Susannah, but I feel like we would have become good friends if I still lived in Bath now. I may have mentioned this before but I used to run an online dating site for four years when I lived in the UK and of course met my husband through (a different) one. I would have SO written a blog if that has been on my horizon back then :) My only words of insight would be “be yourself” (you are beautiful inside and out, he should be so lucky!) and “persevere” (it’s a great way to meet your dream man but patience may be required). You’ve come a long long way and are about to shed the cocoon, no wonder you are feeling restless! And soon I’ll have your book in my hands, too, can’t wait. Hugs, K xo

  33. michelle gd

    in-between stages are always a challenge for me. walk each step, breathe each breath. your wings are at the ready…

  34. anna

    Susannah – I know exactly how you feel!! I’m in the same kind of holding pattern and it feels like I could jump out of my skin. I know it’s hard to be patient in the lull…spoken by someone who doesn’t know what the hell to do with herself in the between times!! Hang in there…SO many wonderful things are about to happen!

  35. Kimmy

    I’d say don’t be nervous and a bunch of other encouraging things, but I understand how you feel, and I know it doesn’t normally help me to hear things like that when I’m nervous myself. Which is often. Being any kind of artist is nervewracking, expressing yourself, laying your heart out there for all the world to see. But I salute you for being brave in doing just that, because it’s a beautiful thing! Sometimes it seems like it’s a popular and more acceptable thing not to be honest and share meaningful things in today’s culture. Thank you for being one of those honest people. I really believe we’re put on this earth to connect with one another and share our talents. What you do is important!

    I also can sympathize with those feelings of wanting to LIVE! I too have so many plans and fears of late. I can tend to be quite a hermit, and I need to put myself out there and have adventures! Good luck in your journey :)

    Can’t wait for your book!

  36. sara (sushi lover)

    Many many many good vibes to you Susannah! Things are changing now, you opened paths and you are ready to walk them! Trust yourself, it will lead you to wonderful adventures.
    I’m hoping for a book event in London?

  37. Amanda Chea

    Dude. Your book rocks. Worry not. And that’s coming all the way from Oklahoma.

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