The stay-at-home auntie

Seriously. That’s all I want to do these days — hang out with these guys. Doesn’t it look like the The Best Place to be in the world? I joke with my sister that I should move into the house next door so I can be a stay-at-home auntie — she and I could take it in turns to work and look after Blondie Bear. And there is a big part of me that wants to do this for reals. To follow my heart and live closer to my family. But the reason I haven’t upped sticks and moved to their village in the middle of nowhere yet is the fragile hope that one day I will meet Noah’s future uncle. This mysterious man who is alive right now, somewhere in the world. Because it would be so easy to stay as I am, contendedly single, working from home, putting my books out into the world. It would be so easy to live in a cottage by a field, writing all morning and spending my afternoons playing with paints and trucks and being a hands-on auntie.


There is always the but. The quiet yearning that I’ve pushed down for so many years. The one that gets louder with every anniversary that passes. The very human need for love and companionship. The desire for my own little family, even if it’s only a family-of-two. And yes, the delight of bringing an uncle into Noah’s life.

* * * * *

I don’t know how to end this post. Two hours have passed since I wrote those words above. The next 12 months are going to be so full of work and travel, I have no idea how I’ll fit in everything I need to do. And the thought of putting myself out there to find a mate feels… tiring. Daunting. Impossible. Unlikely.

I have no idea what I’m trying to say, so i will leave this as an unfinished post. The wind is blowing so hard today, making the windows rattle and bang; the leaves on the horse chestnut tree across the street are already starting to fall. Time is moving on.

Things I want to remember

I like being his chair. It was the first time we’d done some painting together and he really got into it, sitting with me for over an hour, mixing the paint in the dishes and splodging it on the paper. He preferred using paintbrushes over the sponges and we both got covered in paint — it was awesome.

He likes to play with the light switches on the wall, flicking them on and off with his tiny finger tip. It’s easier to carry him now as he sits on my hip and does a monkey cling-on. His little legs are very strong, especially when he doesn’t want to go in his car seat!

He’s mastered the art of grabbing your hand and pulling you where he wants you to be, usually to his box of toys or back to whatever fun stuff we were doing before you went into the kitchen to do something else. I find it impossible to resist him.

The day after we did the painting in the garden he found the box of paints and wanted to recreate the fun of the previous afternoon. We were about to head out the door so I pretended I couldn’t get the lid off the box. He didn’t buy it for a second. Later, we got out the coloured pencils and paper and he drew on the kitchen table (sometimes literally). He seems to have found his creative-arty side — his mummy and auntie are both thrilled. :)

He doesn’t say a recognisable ‘mama’ yet, but he does say ‘stee’ all the time. His dad is called Steve. It’s a word that’s frequently yelled in their house ;)

If you comb his hair he turns into zen baby, standing perfectly still. And he likes the hair dryer — he tried to turn it on with the laptop charger. Tech savvy already!

He says hello and bye perfectly. And his version of boing boing (for jumping on the trampoline, or bouncing on our knees when we play horsey) makes my heart explode.

One of my favourite parts of the day, and there are many, is splish splash time. He’s fearless with water (unlike me as a little kid). He fills his plastic watering can with water, holds it above his head and dumps all the water in his own face — he thinks it’s hilarious. I like washing his hair and his little bod. He is so scrumptious.

Farewell to August

This was, without a doubt, my favourite moment of August! (if you can’t see the video, click here)

It’s been a wonderful August break — 786 people on the blog roll, 5,435 photos in the Flickr pool (!!), 31 days of sunshine, rain, hurricanes, laughter, tears, and nephews. I can’t wait to do it all again next year :)